


Being a Mercenary is Hard?  Try Being a Dad!

by Music_Girl_16



Series: Mercenary Parents [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, M/M, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-04-27 07:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5039797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Music_Girl_16/pseuds/Music_Girl_16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were supposed to be in prison. Instead, they were given an option. They could raise a baby until she was nineteen and serve two years or be in prison until they die. Both agree, thinking it will be easy. They are in for nineteen years of wrong!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Were Mercenaries!!

"Next case!" the judge called

"Two mercenaries, both had bounties on their heads. Felix and Locus." The guard said

"Bring them in."

The court doors opened and two men were escorted in. One tall man with dark skin and hair that went down to his shoulders. The other man was short and had a young face with hair that used to be shaved into a Mohawk, but grew out after so many months in prison.

"Put Felix on one side and Locus on the other." The judge said, not looking up from the files he was reading over.

The younger was placed further away from the taller. "Okay then. Felix and Locus." The judge sighed, looking at the younger man and then the older man

"Well hello there, judge. Funny how much time passes." Felix smirked

"Can it, Felix! If you cooperate, you can have your sentence reduced." The judge barked

"If I may ask, what is our sentence?" Locus sighed

"Since you actually asked nicely, Locus. If you both are convicted of the charges you have, which you definitely are, you would be sentenced to life in the detention facility." The judge answered, ignoring Felix for Locus

"Why aren't we being executed then?"

"Because, you were hired to take down these colonies and ships by Malcolm Hargrove of Charon Industries. We have all your bank statements and transfers between you and Charon. Malcolm is already sentenced to death for his involvement. You two were merely just pawns in his schemes." He explained

"...How unfortunate." Locus shrugged, unfazed by the sentence, "If we cooperate, what would we be doing for a lesser sentence?"

"Well, since you both were hired to kill an entire town in the 17th colony, you can either take care of the only survivor, which just so happens to be a baby girl until she decides she no longer needs you and you would just be sentenced to two years, or sit in the detention facility until the day you die. Your choice."

"How the fuck are we supposed to take care of a baby?! We were mercenaries, not babysitters!" Felix snapped

"Well guess what, Felix. You're not being this little baby's babysitter!" the judge said cockily, "If you choose to, you'll be raising the child with Locus if he chooses to. You'd be her father of some sort!"

"Fuck that! I'd rather rot in prison!" Felix snarled

The judge went back to looking over files. "Really? Well, you don't have to give me an answer today. But if that's how you feel, then you can freely state that tomorrow morning. And we'll arrange for you to be sent to the highest security prison with solitary confinement." he said, sounding condescending, "You have tomorrow to give me your final answer. Next case!"

Felix and Locus were then led away, back to their cells. Locus was sitting on his bed, thinking if raising a child was worth being sentenced to two years. While Felix was having none of that. "Fucking moron! I'm so not taking care of a baby, I can barely look after myself." he ranted, "Like I said, I'd rather rot in prison than raise a fucking squalling excuse for a human being!"

Locus was deep in thought at this point. _On one hand, I only get two years. And maybe this baby could have potential in her, he thought. On the other hand, child raising sounds just as bad a life in prison..._

"If they think I'm gonna agree to something stupid like that, they're in for ten worlds of wrong." Felix chuckled, "At least you'll be here with me, right Locus?"

Locus looked up at Felix. Felix was looking so goddamn smug, thinking Locus was always going to side with him. Locus slowly shook his head. "I don't think this time, Felix." he sighed, "I think prison is ten times worse than the option we're given."

Felix's smiled dropped, and continued to stare at his partner in shock. "But Locus, we're partners! We need each other!" Felix reasoned, "How am I going to survive prison without you?!"

"You'll just have to, I'm taking the other way out." Locus said

"But we're mercenaries! Not babysitters!" Felix yelled

Locus then chose to ignore Felix for the rest of the night, which turned out to be the hardest thing to do. Felix kept shouting at him and throwing things at walls. But he somehow managed to do it. Finally, after 7 hours of hearing nothing but Felix, it was quiet. Locus was laying on his prison bed, looking up at the ceiling. _Sorry Felix_ , he thought, _But I think this is where we finally part ways_.

Morning came too quickly for Locus' liking. The prison guard came in and cuffed him up again. "Time for your decision." the guard said

Locus looked over at Felix's cell. He was being cuffed up and looking less sinister than normal. He looked rather solemn and sad. Both were walked down to the same room like the day before and placed in the same spots. "Locus, have you made your decision?" the judge asked, not looking up

"Yes," he said, "I wish to take care of the child."

"Very well," the judge said, "And Felix?"

Locus was prepared to finally say goodbye to his partner. What came next took him aback. "I also wish to take care of her."

The judge stopped and looked up at Felix with a perplexed. "Did I just hear you correctly, Felix?" he asked, unsurely

"Yes." Felix answered

The judge looked at the guards and then at the paper on his desk. "Um, very well. Felix, Locus, you two will be this girl's parents." he said, weakly, "You two will be sent to Earth and raise the child there. I'll make arrangements for your release and find you a suitable place to live. Dismissed."

Locus was still shocked as they were sent to the release quadrant. Locus was about to say something when Felix spoke first. "I can't be in prison alone! I would have gone insane!" he confessed, "I need you more than you need me!"

Locus could help but grin slightly. "Interesting, you being a parent." he sighed

Felix then gave him a slight smirk. "It's a baby, how hard can it be?"


	2. Some Minor Changes

Once Felix and Locus were dressed in civilian clothing, they were given monitoring wristbands, so the UNSC could track their every movement. Then they were also given new identities, and of course, Felix had a hissy fit when he found out about this. Locus on the other hand, just didn't care. "There is no fucking way, I'm changing my name to suit parenthood!" he screeched

"Shut up, Felix." Locus said, "It's only for professionalism, like getting a job. They're not going to legally change your name to Chang."

"At least you have a name close to yours, Luke! Chang, on the other hand? That's so racist!" he ranted, "I'm not fucking Chinese! I'm Korean!"

"Then take it up with them, because I don't fucking care." Locus sighed

Of course, Felix lost his argument and had to keep the name Chang. "Fuck them! They don't know the difference between Koreans and Chinese!" he grumbled

Locus actually did stop listening, and was more focused on the other tasks at hand. The judge had arranged for them to have jobs and find a suitable home for raising a child. According to the files they were given, they were currently being sent to live in Seattle in a one-story house. The house had three bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room, a big kitchen, and a big backyard. They also were arranged to have jobs. Apparently, they were both florists and both owned a flower shop not too far from their 'home'

"How are we going to run a fucking flower shop?! All I know is how to make money by killing people, not doing nice things for other people!" Felix said, "And I don't know a goddamn thing about flowers!"

Locus gave Felix the file, showing the part where they would receive training. Felix threw the file back at Locus after looking them over. "Don't say anything!" he growled

After an hour of looking over files and validating their new identities, they were on their way to pick up their "daughter" As soon they arrived in the medical sector, they were whisked away to a private room. The room looked nothing more than an ordinary hospital room, except there was a crib instead of a bed. "This your daughter, she wasn't given a name and you two get to choose her name." the nurse said, picking her up, "Would you like to hold her?"

Locus hesitantly took the little baby, and held her as gently as he could. She was so small and fragile, and he was so big. He felt like he could crush her if he wasn't so afraid. The baby looked at him curiously, as if she was trying to figure why he was here. He raised an eyebrow at her and gave the same look. She then smiled and began to squeal with happiness. He then noticed how her eyes were a jade green and how her hair was slowly growing in dark curls. She surprisingly looked so much like Felix and Locus.

He then gave her back to the nurse, who placed her in a baby carrier. "She's all ready to go. The judge has everything she'll need at your home." she said

They left the Medical Quadrant and over to the Landing Bay where a pelican was ready to transport them. Felix refused to touch the baby. "You seem to know how to handle it-"

"Her."

"Whatever. Since you know how to handle 'her', you can hold onto her until we get there." Felix said, leaning back in his seat.

The flight there was uneventful, both Felix and the baby fell asleep. Locus picked her up and cradled her very gently. She was sucking on her thumb. _Hopefully there's something like a pacifier for her in our new home_ , he thought, _and hopefully some formula that we can use_.

She opened her eyes and blearily looked up at him. "What should we call you?" he asked her

She smiled and snuggled closer to his chest, making him blush. He then placed her back in the baby carrier as they were getting closer to the earth. The pelican landed at their destination and they were escorted to their new house.

"If there is anything you ever need or have any questions. The judge's number is right here." the soldier said, handing Felix a piece of paper

"Thanks, I'll let him know that he'll be getting unnecessary voice mails very soon!" Felix retorted sarcastically

Locus couldn't help but sigh in an annoyed manner. So much for being polite for the baby's sake. Felix walked around their living room. "I can't fucking believe they gave us cheap furniture!" he groaned, flopping down on the sofa.

"Well, you have nineteen years to get new furniture. And please refrain from cursing in front of the baby." Locus said, searching a box full of baby toys for a pacifier

"Speaking of which, how is the little bundle of joy?" Felix asked, getting up to look at her.

Locus looked up and saw her still sucking on her thumb. "Why? Would you like to hold her?"

Felix shrugged his shoulders and held his arms out. Locus then placed her gently into Felix's arms. He surprisingly was doing a good job of holding her. The baby was looking really confused, wondering why this strange man was holding her and not Locus.

Felix looked at the tiny infant. "Heh, she doesn't look like she'll be hard to raise, this will be a piece of cake!" he smirked

The baby then puked on him. Locus was trying to decide who was screaming louder, Felix or the baby. "Fucking baby! She fucking puked on me!" he screeched, "What the fuck is wrong with her?!"

The baby was crying, huge tears rolling down her face. Locus sighed and took the baby away from Felix. He took out his handkerchief and wiped her face gently. He then rocked her and murmured sweet nothings to her. The baby seemed to calm down and began to babble happily. He then pulled out a bright orange pacifier he had found from the box and gave it to her.

She accepted the pacifier and began sucking on it. Felix, on the other hand, was fuming as he tried to clean off the puke from his shirt. "She fucking puked on me and she gets coddled?! How fair is that?!" he demanded

Locus glared at Felix. "It's not her fault, she probably didn't enjoy being on the pelican. She's just a baby." he growled

And that's another thing, we need to fucking pick a decent name for her...or should I say it!" Felix fumed

Locus looked at her, she was starting to fall asleep. She was so innocent and so delicate. He then tried think of the perfect name for her. "I think her name should be something significant and suit her well...but I can’t think of anything” Locus said, shrugging his shoulders

“Oh, the poor thing. It doesn’t have a fucking name. I feel so bad for it!” he snarled

Locus decided he had heard enough of Felix calling the baby 'it'. He walked out of their living room, and into a bedroom. This room was clearly made for the baby as it had a cushioned rocking chair, changing table, a bookshelf, and a wooden crib. Locus saw a tiny music box on the bookshelf and turned it on. The sound of Brahms’s lullaby filled the room as he sat down in the rocking chair.

He rocked the sleeping baby and for once, felt a tinge of guilt. He didn't know that his actions would end him up here, taking care of a baby that would never know her birth planet or her birth parents. But if this was a way of redemption, he would have to take it. He found the perfect name to call their daughter, and let out a tiny chuckle. Felix was going to be mad for sure.


	3. How To: Parent

Locus went down to the nearest bookstore and picked up a parenting guide for himself and Felix. Mostly Felix would need it, but Locus thought it wouldn't hurt to get pointers on parenting. He also picked up another book, just for Felix.

After the puking incident, Felix avoided Locus and the baby for the rest of the evening and handed him a baby monitor when they were going to bed. "I'm not being woken up by that abomination!" he said, sourly

Locus woke up the next day to loud chirping and squealing from the baby monitor. He got out of the bed in and left the bedroom he had picked for himself. It was more like the room that was left for him since Felix wanted the biggest room and the other room was their daughter's nursery. He didn't mind the room, it was roomy enough for someone of his size.

He wandered into the kitchen to look for baby formula for their daughter as well as make coffee for himself. He grinned in triumph as found both canisters and began making formula. He also had quite a few things on his mind that he had to get done today. The UNSC gave them a budget for getting clothing and groceries, one for themselves and one for the baby. Locus knew that Felix wouldn't know the first thing about getting necessary clothing for the baby, so he would have to go out and do that, leaving Felix to get everything else. Since he couldn't trust Felix with their daughter, he decided to bring her along with him.

Once the formula was ready, he turned on the coffee and padded off to the nursery. His daughter was lying in her crib, frog-kicking and babbling happily. She giggled and reached a chubby hand out to Locus. "How are you, Alex?" he murmured

Since Felix refused to go anywhere near the baby and let Locus decide what her name was. He was thinking when he remembered the name Alexandra, one of the women space pirates he had worked with whose name was Alexandra. He loved the name, and thought the name was perfect for their daughter. He decided to just shorten it to Alex, she could go by her actual name when she got older. Felix didn't know, but Locus decided to give her a middle name as well. He had given the soldier the piece of paper and the soldier said the birth certificate would arrive in a day.

He picked up the infant and began bottle feeding her the baby formula. He was rather surprised when she finished the formula so quickly. _Alex must've been really hungry_ , he thought. After getting her changed and dressed in the extra outfit the Med quadrant had provided, Locus went off to get himself dressed.

Once dressed, he came back and brought Alex to the kitchen. He strapped her into the baby carrier and poured himself coffee. He then rummaged around in a nearby drawer and pulled out a lime green pacifier and orange toy keys. He pinned the pacifier to her onesie and gave her the toy keys. Alex was fascinated by the toy keys and began to inspect them with her hands. Locus gave a small smile as she was happily babbling away, not caring about the world around her.

Once he was finished with breakfast, he got out the wallet the UNSC issued for him and picked up the baby carrier. "Baby clothes. That doesn't seem so hard, does it?" Locus asked, glancing down at Alex

Locus immediately regretted that decision, when he was standing in a baby's clothing store trying to figure out how big Alex was. He had three of the same outfit in different sizes. He looked down at Alex for help, who was just as confused as Locus was. A woman nearby laughed and decided to help out. "She will need this size, she will grow quickly." the woman said

After selecting a array of baby clothes, a few of them being adorable dresses, Locus was done shopping for Alex for now. Alex was passed out in her carrier as they rode on the bus back home, sucking on her fingers.

Once they were home, Locus stroked her cheek to wake her up. She blinked her eyes open blearily and used her hands to wipe her eyes. Locus then fed her another bottle of formula, which she was happy to accept. By then, Felix came back with his arms full of bags. "Help...me..." he wheezed

Locus rolled his eyes and reluctantly helped out his partner. He was rather surprised when he found actual food in the bags, knowing Felix was the worst cook known to man. “I’m impressed, Felix. You actually know how to shop for groceries.”

Locus glanced up at Felix when Felix didn’t say anything. He saw that Felix was dangling the toy keys out of Alex's reach. Alex was starting to fuss and try with all her might to get her keys back. Felix was smirking and kept pulling them out of her reach. Locus walked up behind Felix, and slapped him upside the head. Felix dropped the keys on the floor, causing Alex to cry.

"What the fuck was that for?!" Felix demanded, rubbing the back of his head.

"For being such an ass to Alex, that's why!" Locus snapped, taking Alex out of her carrier and rocking her gently

"Oh and that's the other thing, why the fuck is her middle name Felicia?! I don't want to be named after that abomination!" Felix screeched, "How dare you give her a middle name without telling me!"

"You didn't seem to care what Alex was going to be called, so why do you care now?" Locus retorted, as he stuck Alex's pacifier in her mouth, trying to sooth her

Alex seemed to calm down with the pacifier. "It's okay," Locus murmured, "Felix shouldn't have upset you like that."

"Shut up!" Felix snarled, flopping himself down on the couch.

Locus put Alex in her playpen in the living room and finished putting away the abandoned groceries, knowing Felix was too pissed off at him to finish what he started. He then picked up the parenting book and sat down at the table to read. "By the way, thanks for the fucking "How to Cook Meals for People Who Don't Cook" book, jackass!" Felix called, angrily

Locus couldn't help but smirk as continued to read "How To: Parent" by Adam and Joel. If Felix was mad that he got a cookbook, then he was going to be pissed that he would have to read this one. How unfortunate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the reference I gave


	4. A Couple Firsts

As much as Felix may whine, Locus still managed to get the upper hand. He forced Felix to read the two books, especially the parenting book. “This book fucking sucks!!” Felix complained, “It tells you what not to do on one page and what to actually do on the next!”

Locus was getting Alex strapped into her baby stroller. Today was their first day of work, and they needed to bring her along. “Ready to go?” Locus asked, getting quite irritated at Felix’s slowness

“Yeah, yeah. Give me a few seconds.” Felix whined, pulling his boots on, “Not all of us are used to being there ten minutes early. Cut me some slack.”

Locus rolled his eyes and double checked on Alex’s belongings. He was pretty sure he had everything; formula, diaper bag, pacifiers, extra outfit in case of accidents, toy keys, baby blanket, and a fuzzy teddy bear for naptime. He zipped the backpack of baby stuff shut and slung it over his shoulders “Well, you can bring Alex out with you. I’ll be outside with her stuff. DON’T drop her or knock over the stroller, okay?” Locus ordered

“Relax! Just ‘cause I fucking hate her, doesn’t mean I want to kill her!” Felix pointed out, annoyingly

Locus waited outside until Felix came out with the baby stroller. He was looking smug as he pushed the stroller and met up with Locus. “See?” he said, showing Locus that Alex was fine, “She is still here, and she might like me more than you.”

Alex then proved Felix wrong and started to fuss. Felix looked like he was going to strangle Locus, as he gave Felix the backpack while he got to push the stroller. Felix then kicked the dirt as they walked to their place of work.

Ten minutes later, they were standing outside a closed flower shop. Felix fished out the keys and let them inside. “Hello?” he asked, walking into the quiet shop.

A woman popped out from behind the back. She grinned as she noticed them. “Hello, you must be the new employees. Chang and Luke, right?” she grinned

“Er, yes. I’m...Chang. And this is Luke.” Felix grimaced, flashy what would be a nervous smile, if he weren’t mad that his name was Chang.

Locus, on the other hand, recognized the woman right away. “You’re the woman that helped me in the clothing store.” He said

“That’s right!! I know you! And this is your cute little daughter of course!” she giggled, giving a big smile at Alex.

“Our daughter’s name is Alexandra. But we’re calling her Alex for now.” Locus answered, "She is 3 months old."

The woman then looked up at Locus again. “I’m Maxine, your employer. I’ll be training you guys today and tomorrow. Since you both have the same daughter. I’ll arrange your schedules so you can work on different days.” She smiled

The three decided that Locus and Felix take shifts for training. Felix got trained in the morning while Locus took care of Alex and then switch after lunch. Felix was surprised he could wrap flowers and rearrange displays appropriately. But he was perfect when it came to finances. Maxine seemed to take note of that. Alex seemed to be fidgeting when he came out for lunch. Locus fed her and she passed out after her bottle. He tucked her into the stroller and put the stuffy in her arms. Locus gave Felix a warning as to not do any funny business while he was getting trained.

Felix was just staring at Alex while she was sleeping.  When he grew bored of that, he looked at some of her things.  He was currently examining her toy keys, bending and shaping the rubbery plastic.  _Why does she have such a fascination for these toy keys?!_ Felix wondered, _Are they soft to her??  Do they smell nice??  Do they taste like something other than plastic??_

Alex woke up and started to cry with huge tears rolling down her cheeks.  Felix jumped up and thought she was upset that he had stolen her toy keys again.  He gave them to her, but all she did was push them aside.  He made sure she didn't need to be changed or fed.  He then tried soothing her with her pacifier, but she spit it back out.  He took note of how she was crying.  It was more like she was crying out of... pain?

Felix then pulled out his parenting book, flipping through the pages of the book for an answer.  Locus then came into the room, clearly not impressed with Felix.  "I told you to watch her!  Not make her cry!!" Locus said, picking up Alex

"I didn't do anything!  She woke up and she started crying." Felix explained, "But, there's something wrong.  She sounds like she's hurting...like pain."

Locus then inspected her over.  "She doesn't look like she has any injuries." he noted

Felix then opened the page of what babies through at different months.  "It says here, that most babies can start teething...once they're three months old." Felix said, trailing off at the end.

Locus gently pried open her mouth and saw a small flash of white in her mouth.  She began slurping on her fingers again, less sucking and more like chewing on her fingers if she had more teeth.  Locus pulled her fingers out of her mouth, and she began crying again.  "She won't settle down, what can we do?  ...Feli-Chang?!" he asked, when he realized there was no one else in the room.

Felix had walked out of the store and down the street to a baby's clothing and toy store.  He walked in and up to the counter.  The woman looked up and asked how she could help him.  "...My daughter is teething.  What can I give her so she can calm down?" he asked

"We have special toys meant for teething.  All you do is give it to her to chew on." she said, pulling out a teething ring, "You can also stick one in the freezer so the coolness with numb and sooth her mouth."

Felix bought two teething rings and walked back to the flower shop.  Locus and Maxine were switching between rocking the crying infant.  "Where have you been?!" Locus demanded

Felix shrugged his shoulders and pulled out the teething rings.  Maxine took one and stuck it in the freezer for later.  Felix then gently encouraged her to try chewing the new toy.  She slowly gave in and began chewing the ring, calming down when the ring took some of the pain away.  Locus was shocked, how did Felix know what to get her?

Maxine then came out and said it was time to get back to work.  Locus didn’t want to leave her, but he had to finish his training. He put her back into her stroller and went back to work. When Locus was out of sight, Felix sat down and gazed into the crib. “...Do you like me now?” he asked quietly

Alex didn’t whine or fuss, but rather continued to chew the teething ring. She whimpered in pain and held out one of her chubby hands. Felix picked her up and cradled her gently as he could. _I still kind of dislike you,_ he smirked, _but I think we can tolerate each other better._

When Locus was done for the day, Felix got to push the stroller home. Nobody said a word. “How did you know where that baby store was?” Locus asked

“I went for a walk the day you went clothes shopping. And then I went grocery shopping.”

“...I don’t say this that often but, thank you Felix.” Locus said, "If it weren't for you, I might have lost my mind."

Felix chose not to say anything. He just pushed the stroller home while his daughter finally fell into a peaceful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never really did say how old the baby was. But she's at least three months old. and I think Felix is finally starting to soften up around Alex. He still dislikes her, but he generally starts to tolerate her.


	5. A Huge Explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You really thought that I wouldn't mention the Reds and Blues? *grins evilly* hehehe...

Felix was growing used to the idea of taking care of Alex. He still didn’t enjoy it, but he could tolerate her. She began warming up to him as well, but still preferred Locus over Felix. What she did like about Felix was how often he took her out for a stroll. She would babble, play with her toy keys, suck on her pacifier, or chew on her new teething ring while he pushed the stroller. Felix enjoyed how people would compliment on how he was such a good father and how he could have a bit of freedom.

Each day spent with Alex was more interesting than the last, and today was no different.  Felix woke up to the sounds of Alex squealing and calling out for him.  He threw off the covers and stumbled down to the nursery.  Alex was squirming and smiling when he walked in.  "Well, hello there, girlie." he smirked, "Another day with me, the best father ever!"

Felix walked into the kitchen and set her in her baby carrier.  The book said she was still too young for a highchair, but the baby carrier was just fine.  He searched the cupboards for her powdered formula.  He found the canister almost empty as prepped two bottles. _Damn it, need to get another new one,_ he sighed.  He grabbed a quick bowl of his sugary cereal (Locus couldn't understand why he liked that stuff anyway) and sat down at the table.  He multitasked by eating and giving her a bottle.  When both were finished, Felix stood up and bent down to her.

"Hey, Lex." he said, tickling her cheeks, "You don't mind going on a field trip to the grocery store, do you?"

Alex just beamed up at him, completely unaware of what he meant.  "I'll take that as a yes." he said, picking her up and taking her to the nursery to get her dressed.

Felix set her down in her crib while he rummaged through her closet.  He selected a bright orange dress with sunflowers on it. _She looks great in orange_ , Felix smirked. Alex was fascinated by the bright colours and the softness of the dress. Felix put on frilly socks on her feet but pinned the green pacifier to her.  As much as he wanted to make her look more like him, it would be hard enough finding her orange pacifier on an equally orange dress.

Felix then strapped Alex into the stroller and packed necessary items they would need, even though it’s just a quick trip to the grocery store.  He grabbed the keys and brought the stroller outside.  Once he locked the door, the two of them were on their way.  Alex was squealing in delight as she was being pushed in the stroller.  Felix grinned as the neighbors from down the street were whispering and smiling at him.  Locus did say Felix had a bit of an ego, and maybe the compliments and the smiling were probably not helping things.

Once they were in the store, Felix picked up a basket and pushed the stroller down to the baby section.  He sighed in relief when he saw Alex snoozing peacefully.  He pulled the baby blanket up to her chin, so she wouldn't get cold.  He stopped and turned down an aisle that read Baby Formula.  "Well, this is going to be interesting." he grumbled

Felix put the basket down and began searching around for the correct formula.  He walked down the aisle, leaving Alex in her stroller.  He wasn't going far, just a couple feet away.  The canister he needed was on a high shelf, not great for someone as tall as Felix.  Locus would have had no problem reaching, but Felix was at least a foot shorter than Locus. 

Felix went as far up on tip-toe as he possibly could.  The reach was quite high, but he refused to swallow his pride and ask for help.  “Aha! Got it!” Felix grinned, as he grabbed the canister of formula.

He turned to put the canister into the basket when he was pushed and thrown against the wall. Felix could hear Alex screaming and crying in the background. He looked up and saw a man with blonde hair and freckles on his face. He was about to yell at the man to get off him, when his eyes widened in terror. “Wash?!”

“You. Are supposed. To be in. Prison.” He snarled

Felix was about to answer when he saw a man in a pink shirt, clearly Donut, pick up his daughter. Alex was still crying and threw her toy keys on the floor. “Don’t fucking touch my daughter, you bastard!” he growled

Donut froze in place. He wasn’t sure whether to put her back or give her to Felix. Felix pushed Wash away and stomped over to Donut. He took Alex from Donut and proceeded to calm her down. “It’s okay, Alex. The ugly, mean guys didn’t mean to wake you up from your nap.” He cooed, putting the pacifier in her mouth

Alex whimpered as she slowly sucked on her pacifier. She reached up towards Felix with one of her chubby hands. He chuckled as she grabbed one of his fingers and pulled it towards her. He gently ran his fingers through her thin hair.  If having Wash and Donut stare at him was bad enough, Tucker and everyone else had to turn round the corner as well.  Felix sighed as everyone got into a defensive position and were getting closer to him.  "For God's sake people, am I not allowed to buy baby formula for my daughter?!  What's wrong with you people?!" he demanded, "Do you want her to starve to death?!"

"No, but we are wondering why the hell do you have a baby with you?!" Carolina snapped

"Well, by law, I don't have to explain why to you.  I just have a baby and that's it." he sneered, "And now one of you taller assholes has to get me a new canister of formula." 

"Why should we help you?!" Tucker retorted

"Because I'm not tall enough and it took me fucking ten minutes to get the last one!!" Felix said, sharply, "And I wouldn't be asking if Wash over here hadn't charged me and knocked it out of my- you know what?!  Forget it!!  I'm going somewhere else!!"

Felix put Alex back in her stroller and tucked her in gently.  He left the basket where it was and pushed past Wash.  He was practically trying hard not to lose it as he walked out of the store.  "...I'm sorry, Alex.  I don't know what those guys wanted." he said to her

Alex looked up at Felix with curiosity.  "We'll find somewhere else to get your baby formula." he murmured, walking down the street.

They did find another place that sold the same formula.  Felix should've been glad that they finally got what they needed, but he just couldn't.  He felt like he was being followed by the Reds and Blues. He thought he had seen Tucker peering around the corner, and got really paranoid.  He walked to the park, and sat down on a bench. He took Alex out of her stroller.

Felix then fed the extra bottle of formula, knowing Alex would be hungry.  When she was done feeding, she began sucking on her fingers, a bad habit since she started teething.  He gave Alex her teething ring. She happily chewed her teething and looking up at Felix with bright eyes. He smiled and gently stroked her cheek. “Aww, so sweet. A cold-blooded killer cuddling up to a baby.”

Felix snapped his head and found Washington in front of him. “Why are you fu-...following me?” he asked, trying not to curse

“Because, Felix, you are supposed to be in the highest maximum security prison there is. Not out on earth with a fucking baby. And I’m assuming your partner is around somewhere, too.” Wash snapped, crossing his arms

“Look, I’m protected by the law. I am legally not allowed to tell you why.” Felix sighed irritation, “But she is part of the reason why I’m here.”

Alex began to babble out loud. She raised her hand and began opening and closing her fist. When she did that, she usually just wanted her toy keys to play with. Felix put her back in her stroller and dug around for her keys. He couldn’t seem to find them after a couple minutes of searching.

Alex began to fuss and whine for her toy keys. “Hang on, Lex.” He muttered, going through everything again.

He soon began to worry, her keys weren’t anywhere to be seen. Alex began to cry and throw a baby tantrum. Felix tried soothing her by sticking her pacifier in her mouth and speaking softly to her. All she did was spit her pacifier back out and wail even louder. By now Felix was full on panicking, he needed those toy keys to calm her down.

He turned to Washington, who was still standing there. “I know this sounds crazy, but did you see a set of toy keys on the floor before we left the store?!” he begged

Wash pulled out said toy keys. Felix was just about to take them when Wash pulled them back. “I don’t have time to play games Wash!! Give me back those keys now!!” Felix demanded, snatching them away

Alex was now screaming, crying, and kicking her feet.  Felix rushed over and handed Alex her toy keys.  Alex stopped kicking and screaming, but she was still crying.  Felix stuck her pacifier in her mouth again and whispered sweet nothings to her.  Alex finally calmed down and reached her hand out to Felix, wanting him to hold her.  Finding it too hard to resist, Felix reluctantly picked her up.  "You know you're the cause of all of this." he reminded her, trying to glare at Alex

Alex looked at Felix, raising her eyebrows.  She did it just like Locus, and Felix thought that was the funniest thing he ever saw.  He laughed for a good five minutes, until Wash cleared his throat.  "If you won't tell me why you're here, then I'll tell you this" Wash said

Felix looked at Wash and back at Alex.  "If I hear that this kid isn't being treated right, I will not hesitate to report you to the UNSC.  Do we have a deal?" Wash  asked

"Fine! But just so you know, you're in for nineteen years of wrong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was a total bitch to write. I would start and stop, start and stop, etc. Sorry for the long wait, but it's finally done! Next chapter is about Locus and the baby...again.


	6. The Love of Reading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the prologue in Disney's "Beauty and the Beast". I do not own the prologue, all rights belong to Disney.

Locus was furious when Felix had told him about meeting the Reds and Blues. He couldn’t understand why they couldn’t just leave them alone. They didn’t do anything since their time on Chorus, so why try and keep tabs on them? It was bad enough that they had tracking monitors on them, and this happened.

Both Locus and Felix lived in paranoia for a good week or so until they relaxed and when back to the way they were living. Felix still took Alex out for walks outside, and both still went to work. One day, Locus was feeding Alex while Felix was going to work when Felix mentioned it. “It’s been two months since we became parents.”

“It has, and what a two months it’s been.” Locus sighed

Alex had more teeth in her mouth, she could sit in a highchair now, she began to slowly crawl on the floor, and she was eating baby food. She still liked her pacifier and her teething ring, and decided not to take those away from her. She had more toys as well, but preferred her toy keys over everything else.

Locus was trying to get Alex to eat some apple sauce for her breakfast, but she was not having it. He raised his eyebrows in irritation when she kept refusing to eat. Alex gave back the same eye gesture, which made Felix chuckle. “You might as well give Alex her bottle.” He said, “She’s not going down without a fight.”

Locus massaged his temples and tried a different method. He placed a handful of Cheerios into a bowl and set it in front of her. Alex gave Locus a hard glare, before she began to whine and fuss. Locus sighed in defeat and gave her the bottle of formula. Alex smiled and began swallowing the creamy liquid.

“Do you eat anything other than baby formula?” he asked

Alex put down her bottle, and grabbed a handful of Cheerios and stuffed them into her mouth. Felix laughed, seeing her chubby cheeks puffed out like a fish. “Good luck with Miss Picky!” Felix said, “I’m going out and supporting the family!  See you bitches later!"

Felix had been lucky to have left after that comment.  Just as he had closed the front door, Locus had taken one of the carving knives from the kitchen set and threw it where Felix's head had been.  The knife landed behind the front door and just stayed there.  Alex looked at Locus with a surprised look on her chubby face.  She then began to giggle out loud and clap her hands.

Locus sat back down and put his head in his hands.  _Great,_ he thought, _She enjoys how we display physical violence.  Is there something non-violent she's interested in?_   While he was contemplating this, Alex had gotten her hands on her apple sauce.  Instead of eating it, she threw it onto the floor.  Locus jumped at the sudden loud clang on the floor.  Alex began to laugh, especially at how Locus jumped.

Alex was about to throw the bowl of Cheerios onto the floor, when Locus got up and took the bowl away. She began to throw a bit of a tantrum, realizing he was spoiling her fun. Locus sighed and got her out of her highchair. He took her to the living room and set her into her playpen, where most of her toys were. She began to cry and scream as loud as her little lungs could handle.

As much as Locus wanted to coddle Alex and calm her down, there was a mess in the kitchen that needed to be cleared up. He slowly turned his back from Alex and went to clean up the apple sauce on the floor. It was only a ten minute job, but Alex was persistent. She screamed and cried her eyes out.

Locus came back and picked her up from the playpen. “Why are you so upset?” he asked her

Alex stopped crying and looked at him. Locus sat down on the couch, cradling her. She seemed to be fine after that. Locus then picked up his long-forgotten novel, and began to read silently. After a few minutes, Alex started to squirm and grabbed at his novel, wanting him to pay attention. She looked up at him and pushed his novel towards him.

He knew what she wanted, she wanted him to read to her. But the novel was not meant for children, as it had violence and horror. He then got a brilliant idea. He went off to the nursery and got her dressed. Alex was wearing an adorable emerald green dress that had purple swirls everywhere. He then got her strapped into her stroller.

Alex was confused as to why they were going out for the day. But soon, they were outside on a stroll. Alex was too busy babbling and playing with her teddy bear to even put up a fuss. Locus walked until he saw the small bookstore he had found a few days prior.

The store was quiet, but had a few people in the store. They headed towards the children’s corner. Locus stopped and picked out a couple books for Alex to choose. “Pick one, Alex.” He encouraged, holding up the books.

Alex looked at the books he was holding, and then grabbed the medium sized book. Unlike the other books, which were big and had bright colours on them, this one was brown with a single rose on the cover. Locus looked at her and then at the title of the book. “ _Beauty and the Beast_?” he read, “Well, it is a well-known fairytale...”

Locus was starting to wonder if this was going to be worthwhile as they left the store with the book. Alex seemed to be happy, and he guessed that was all that mattered. Locus spent the rest of the day doing other things and taking care of Alex. Locus didn’t bother trying to feed her solid food, and just gave her a bottle for lunch.

Felix came home and played with Alex until dinner. “Are you going to be a picky baby and not eat?” he asked her, “Or are you going to eat what we give you?”

Alex looked at Felix and Locus confusedly. She gave them both a sour look. “You get to feed Alex her dinner.” Locus sighed, “Maybe she’ll listen to you.”

Dinner was just as bad as this morning. Alex refused to eat anything, except her milk. Felix tried not to lose his patience as he tried feeding her yogurt. “Alex, open up and have some food.” He pleaded, “I promise that this is very yummy.”

Alex whined and began to cry. Locus rubbed his temples, this was not turning out so well. “I’ll read you some of the new story if you eat, I promise.” Locus bargained

Alex stopped crying and looked at him. She smiled and opened her mouth. Felix managed to feed Alex the entire bowl of yogurt without her complaining. She pushed the yogurt away and made a grab gesture for her bottle. “What do you mean new story?” Felix asked, as he handed Alex her bottle

“I...went out and bought her a story book.” Locus sighed

Felix gave him a look that basically read, _Seriously?_ “You went out and got her a storybook?” he asked, clearly not impressed, “And now you bribe her with stories?”

“Do you have a better idea?” Locus asked, raising an eyebrow at Felix

Felix held up his hands in defeat. “But if you get to read to her, then you have to get her ready for bed.”

Soon, it was time for Alex’s bath and bedtime. Bath time was uneventful, as Alex just let Locus gently scrub her clean. Soon she was dried off and put into a warm onesie. Locus went to the living to fetch the book he had purchased. He soon came back and picked up Alex and sat down in the rocking chair. He made sure they were both comfy.

“Ready?” he asked her. Alex responded smiling and making a grabbing gesture. Locus opened the book to the first page.

Locus cleared his throat and read the prologue to the story. _“_ _Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.”_ He read

Locus stopped and looked down at Alex. Alex seemed to be fascinated by this story. Locus took this as a sign to continue on. _“But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift, and turned the old woman away.”_

Alex looked a bit wary, like she knew what the old woman was doing.   “ _But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress.”_

Alex as in awe, like she really could understand what Locus was saying. She whined, wanting him to continue reading. Gladly, Locus did with Felix standing in the doorway, “ _The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late. For she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment she transformed him into a hideous beast, and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.”_

Felix smirked to himself. Alex looked a bit frightened. Locus hoped the next part would not scare her. He continued on, _“ Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his twenty-first year.”_

Alex looked a little bit sad, as if she felt sorry for the beast. _“If he could learn to love another and earn their love in return by the time the last petal fell, then, the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope... for who could ever learn to love a beast?”_ Locus concluded, closing the book softly.

He knew it was only a story, but Locus couldn't help but feel like the beast.  He was ashamed of himself and the things he did, maybe Felix also felt the same way.  He never learned how to love anyone properly, and Felix only cared about himself.  Now they were put into a situation where they had to give love to someone who needed it.  This baby would never know who her real parents were... but Alex only saw Locus and Felix as her parents.  

Locus looked down at Alex, who was sucking on her fingers. He got up from the rocking chair and walked over to the crib. He went and tucked Alex into her crib, making sure she was warm and cozy. “Good night, baby.” He murmured, kissing her cheek tenderly

He turned off the light and the glow of the Frozen night-light filled the room. He was about to head off to bed when he heard something that would make his heart melt.

“Dada...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing the last part, it makes me melt like a marshmallow! I was thinking of splitting this story into a series. Let me know if this a good idea or not. I also got a request from someone who wanted the two mercs wind up being caught in the middle of a robbery caused by someone else...duly noted, working on it :D


	7. That Was A Thing...Now What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being caught in the middle of a bank robbery...and all they wanted to do was cash in their paychecks. This won't end well

Locus didn’t love the job he had, but he didn’t hate it completely. He also thought that while working in a flower shop wasn’t the worst job out there, it wasn’t exactly the greatest job either. The only two good things that happened today was the UNSC taking off their tracking monitors and getting a paycheck.

“Felix.” Locus called, as he got home from work, “I have your paycheck.”

"I'm in here with Alex.” Felix asked, clearly in the kitchen

"Well, here's your- WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!”

Felix had decided to practice throwing knives, in front of Alex. Locus should’ve been glad Felix wasn’t using their daughter as target practice, but Alex could still see him throwing the knives. Felix threw the cleaver onto the back door with a painted bulls eye. Alex laughed and clapped her hands. She then picked up her spoon and threw it onto the floor.

“Aww, She wants to be like daddy when she’s older.” Felix cooed, picking up Alex from her highchair.

“Felix, you can’t be doing things like that in front of Alex!! She’s still a baby for fuck’s sake!!” Locus snarled

“Hey!! You threw a knife towards me a couple weeks ago!! Didn’t think I’d fucking forget about that?!” Felix retorted

“Shut up! Be glad I missed your head!” Locus growled, taking Alex from Felix’s hands

Though she was only seven months old, Alex was actually quite intelligent. She didn’t like it when her daddies yelled, that meant something scary. Unfortunately, the only thing she could do for a reaction was to bawl her eyes out.

“Lex, baby, calm down.” Locus murmured, “Daddy and I aren’t mad at you.”

Alex sniffled and lay her head on Locus' chest.  Locus put her pacifier in her mouth, which she began to slowly suck.  Locus gently rocked her back and forth. “As I was saying, here's your paycheck." He said, holding out the envelope.

“Yes!”Felix grinned, ripping open the envelope

Alex wanted her daddies to play. “Dada!” she chirped, making a grab gesture for her teddy bear.

Locus put Alex on the floor, and placed the teddy a few feet away from her. She slowly crawled to the bear and grabbed it in triumph. She then threw it over to Locus' feet and crawled over to him.  Felix and Locus began to watch her curiously as she crawled towards the teddy.  "Is she trying to fetch like a dog?" Felix asked

Locus shrugged his shoulders and picked up the bear.  Alex whined and made a grabbing gesture for it.  Locus hesitantly put the bear a few feet away from her again. She then crawled towards it and grabbed it again. She babbled and began to hug it.

The rest of their evening was uneventful. After Alex was put to bed, Locus went to his room to read his novel. After a couple minutes of reading, Felix sauntered in. “I wish Lex would call me ‘Dada’,” he grumbled, “I wanna be recognized as a dad too.”

“She’ll call you dad one day, she just needs more time.” Locus shrugged

Felix sighed in frustration. “Okay, then.  And tomorrow, we have to deposit our paychecks.  My funds are kind of really low now." he murmured

“Tomorrow, we’ll go to the bank and deposit our paychecks. I promise.” Locus said

“You’d better.”

The next day was Saturday, and Locus and Felix had the day off. “Today is the perfect day to cash in paychecks at the bank.” Locus said, getting Alex into her stroller.

Alex’s outfit for today was a little bit unusual. Both mercenaries wanted her to wear the colour they liked. Locus wanted to put her in a lime green dress, while Felix wanted to put her in an orange sweater and striped leggings. Well, that was a bit of a scream fest between the two. After a few minutes of arguing and crying from Alex, both reluctantly agreed to a compromise. A lime green striped shirt and orange overalls.

“She looks like a fucking carrot.” Felix grumbled

“It was either this or...the other colours.” Locus sighed

The “other” colours meant the red and blue outfits. Of course, Felix and Locus would rather get run over by a train than have Alex wear those atrocious colours. So this was the better compromise, having their baby look like a carrot.

Once they were ready, off they went. They had to take the bus downtown. Alex wasn’t too fond of bus rides. Luckily, the elderly woman sitting next to them understood and didn’t seem to mind helping Felix clean up the baby puke Alex spat out.

"This line will take forever!" Felix whined

Locus was rocking Alex back and forth while they waited in line. “Felix, whining and complaining isn’t going to make the line go any faster.”

Felix whined and rocked back and forth on his heels, impatiently.  He turned around to see how many people were behind them when he came face to face with Donut.  "Jesus, fu-Christ!  Don't do that!" Felix gasped, jumping back

"Hey, Felix!" Donut grinned, "How are you?  Man! It's been awhile since I saw you last."

“Yes...the feeling’s mutual.” Felix grumbled

“How’s your daughter?” he asked, in an nice tone.

Felix just blinked at Donut. Why was Donut being so genuinely nice to him? Did he forget that him and his annoying friends tried to beat him and harass - _Oh, wait. He’s the second stupidest one in their group, right behind Caboose,_ Felix thought.

“Alex? She’s fine. She’s right there.” Felix answered, pointing at Locus.

“Hey, Alex.” Donut smiled, waving

Alex looked at the strange blonde man, then broke out into a toothy grin. Locus turned around and saw Donut, instinctively holding Alex closer to him. “Felix, when did he get here?”

“Don’t ask me. I turned around and he was just standing right behind me.” Felix shrugged

Locus sighed and handed Alex to Felix. He then turned around for his turn at the counter. “How may I help you today?” the woman asked

“I would like to cash in-” Locus began

“FREEZE!!” a loud voice hollered

Locus stopped what he was doing at the counter. He turned and saw four gunmen with their guns drawn. “NOBODY MOVE!!” the leader ordered

Felix gave Locus a worried look. He was holding Alex and making sure she wasn’t too upset. Alex was beginning to whine and whimper. The leader shoved Locus out of the way and went pointed his gun to the bank teller. “EMPTY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!!” the man screamed

The poor teller was shaking as she struggled to put money in the bag. “HURRY UP BITCH!!” the guy demanded

Alex began to cry. Felix then tried as calmly as he could to keep her quiet. Donut was shaking as he hid behind Felix. “SHUT THAT FUCKING BABY UP!!” one of the henchmen screamed

“Hey, she’s scared! Why do you think she’s crying?!” Felix demanded

"Hey, fuck head!  We didn't ask for your opinion, we asked you to shut your kid's fucking mouth!!"

Felix snarled and handed Alex over to Donut.  Donut tried as calmly as he could to sooth Alex's cries.  Felix pulled out two knives and threw them at the man with his gun pointed at the teller.  The gunman collapsed to the floor, dead.

The leader then fired his gun in Felix's direction.  "FELIX!" Locus shouted

Felix turned and managed to dodge two of the three bullets fired.  The third one landed in his thigh.  Felix cried out in agony and landed on the ground.   Alex screamed out and made a grabbing gesture for Felix. “PAPA!” she wailed

Locus charged towards the leader and tackled him to the ground. Locus easily grabbed a hold of the leader’s head and snapped his neck. The leader then lay lifeless on the ground while Locus got up. The two remaining gunmen looked at each other before they took off as fast as they could.

Everyone began to back away from Locus out of fear. Although the safety of everyone else was the last on his mind, his first priorities was Felix and Alex. “My daughter!” he stammered, “Where’s my daughter?!”

Donut came out of hiding and handed Alex to Locus. Alex began to bawl her eyes out and began to shake. “Baby.” He murmured, “It’s okay, daddy’s right here.”

Alex turned her head towards Felix and made a grabbing gesture. “Papa!” she hiccupped.

“...Felix?” Locus asked, turning towards his partner.

Felix was looking kind of pale as Donut struggled to help him up. While he was a mercenary who had stabbed and shot other people and saw them bleed out on the floor, Felix didn’t really enjoy seeing his own blood. As much as Locus wanted to make fun of Felix for fainting during blood tests or receiving transfusions or even getting a bloody nose, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“Felix.” Locus said, “Don’t look at the floor or your leg, you’ll just make yourself more squeamish that way.”

Unfortunately, Felix just had to look down at the floor. He smiled weakly at Donut and Locus, and then proceeded to pass out onto the floor.  "Unfortunate."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, now they're going to be flying under the radar...but for how long? Which, by the way, I am super sorry for appearing like I abandoned this story. My finals were awful and I needed Christmas vacation to recuperate


	8. Into Hiding, Sort Of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the Reds and Blues now have to help out our poor mercenaries...meaning that Alex gets uncles and an aunt!

After the whole bank robbery incident, Felix and Locus were never safe. They did manage to protect Alex, Donut, and everyone else. But because they revealed themselves, the UNSC were now hunting them down. The worst part was that the UNSC wanted to take Alex away from Locus and Felix. They were at their wits end, they then did the absolute unthinkable, they decided to run.

Being on the run was probably the worst idea that could’ve happened to them. Locus wound up carrying both Felix and Alex back to their home. With the limited medical knowledge he had, Locus was able to take the bullet out of Felix’s leg and fix him until they could find a doctor. Felix was able to walk on his own for short distances until he needed to stop.

Alex was still very scared from what had happened, and Locus had to rock her until she stopped shaking. She slowly calmed down and let herself be rocked. Surprisingly, while she wasn’t babbling or chirping like she normally did when she was happy, Alex was quiet but still smiling as Locus began to multi task.

Locus put Alex into a snuggly, which he made sure was securely strapped to him.   He then began to pack things Alex would need, deciding that her needs were greater than his own. Felix finished packing their things together, and soon they were off into the night.

They wound up spending the night in a warehouse. The first night was really cold and Locus had to wrap Alex in her blanket and fit her into the jacket he was wearing. It looked really uncomfortable with a man and a baby to be wrapped in the same jacket, but Alex wasn’t complaining. Her and Felix snoozed peacefully through the night while Locus stayed awake and kept watch.

“Papa!” Alex chirped when morning finally came

Felix turned over and grunted, “Locus, Alex wants you...”

“No, I’m _Dada_.  She wants you-” Locus began

Felix immediately sat up and took Alex away from Locus.  “Did she just call me...Papa?!”

Locus slowly nodded his head, afraid Felix would flip shit.  Felix then had the biggest grin his face, as if Christmas had come early for him.  "Am I your papa, Alex?  Because I'll be the best fucking papa this world has ever known if that's the case!" he smirked

Soon, there were voices, signalling their cue to make a break for it.  It was Felix's turn to have Alex in the snuggly, and he seemed to be enjoying it a wee bit too much.  "I should have never told what Alex called you." Locus muttered, slowing down to match Felix's speed

"You're just jealous 'cause she wants me more than she wants you!" Felix sneered

“I highly think so.  You only seem to be interested in Alex because people are always telling you you’re a good father, when you are actually an awful caretaker!” Locus said, turning towards some big crates

“Well then, what makes you such a good father?!” Felix demanded, ducking behind the crates with Locus

“Well, for one, I actually manage to read to her, feed her, dress her, change her, rock her to sleep.  You only know how to keep her occupied, in a very terrible way!” Locus listed

“Well then, why don’t you hold her then!  Since you’re so good at taking care of our fucking daughter!!” Felix snarled, “And yes, I don’t give a shit that I’m swearing in front of a baby!!”

“Honestly, Felix.  You don’t have to get all defensive about it-”

“I’M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!!  YOU JUST CAN’T SEEM TO TRUST ME ENOUGH!!” Felix shouted, “QUIT TREATING ME LIKE I’M TWO!”

“Well maybe if you quit dragging around your adult-sized umbilical cord and start acting like a mature adult for once, I could actually talk to you like a decent human being!” Locus roared

“...Are we interrupting on some sort of lover’s quarrel, or something?”

“Grif!”

The two mercenaries turned and found the Reds and Blues standing there.  Locus was about to speak, when Felix beat him to it. “Don’t rat us out!  We just want to raise our daughter in peace-“ Felix uttered out

“Relax, dirt bag!  We’re not going to rat you guys out!” Sarge said, “We’re actually here to do the opposite.”

Locus blinked while Felix raised his eyebrows in confusion.  “...What now?”

Wash pushed past everyone with Carolina right behind him.  “Okay, you two.  We’re not here to fight or have a Mexican standoff.  We’re here because Donut had us convinced to help you guys out.”

“How do we know we can trust you?” Felix snapped, “You could blackmail us for all we know.”

Alex began to fall asleep in her snuggly. She laid her small head against Locus’ chest and began slurping on three of her fingers. Locus gently rocked his sleeping daughter, and turned on her music box. The sound of Brahms Lullaby soon filled the air. “Aww! That’s so sweet!” Donut grinned

Locus looked up at Agent Washington.  “You do realize you guys are putting yourselves in jeopardy just for helping us?” Locus asked

“Yes, Locus.  We are well aware of we’re doing, which it is pretty much the second dumbest thing we’ve ever done.” Wash answered

“Letting Church be the leader was the dumbest thing we’ve ever done.” Tucker pointed out

“Hey!  I’m still technically here, ass hat!” the glowing AI retorted

“Church, while you’re here.  Could you see if the authorities are between here and our home base?” Carolina asked

“Uh, okay... the authorities are looking in the southern district, close to downtown.  If you guys take 71st street and then cut through the business district, you should be able to make it home without being seen by them.” Church said

“Good.  We should probably get going.  Who knows how long they’ll take to move to the business district.” Wash instructed, “And whatever you do, keep Alex safe.  She’s the youngest and the most vulnerable.”

“Let me do it!” Tucker volunteered

“No.” Locus said curtly, “You have no experience with-”

“Dude, I gave birth to an alien baby!  And that doesn’t count as responsible enough?!”

“...Good point...alright, fine!” Locus said, taking off the snuggly, “You drop her, and I’ll let Felix skin you alive!”

"Fair enough." Tucker said, strapping the snuggly onto him, "Don't worry, Lexi.  I won't let anything happen to you-"

"And refrain from calling her Lexi.  It's either 'Lex or Alex."

They all took off and down to 71st street as fast as they could.  They had to split into three different groups, as to not look so suspicious while navigating their way through the business district.  Alex was with Tucker, Donut, and Lopez.  Locus was with Wash, Sarge, and Caboose.  And Felix got stuck with Grif, Simmons, and Carolina.

Alex’s group made it to their destination first, then Felix’s, and finally Locus’.  “Good, we made it all back.” Carolina said

“So, where’s your new home?” Locus asked, taking Alex back from Tucker

“Right behind you.” Carolina smirked

Both mercenaries turned around and found not a house, but a mansion.  The Director of Project Freelancer’s mansion, to be exact.  The old man must’ve spent millions of dollars for Project Freelancer, or else he would have not been able to pay for a mansion.  They were also lucky Carolina was his daughter, as everything was put in her name.  “Wait...you guys live here??” Felix asked, going wide eyed

“Well...now you guys do to.” Carolina said, patting Felix on the shoulder, “Welcome home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'd think the mercenaries would be more serious, except the arguing. It just goes to show that they're just like the Reds and Blues, argue with each other like an old married couple.


	9. Getting a Little Bit Relaxed...and Careless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby-proofing a mansion can be tiring, so story time is the answer. Man, I'm on roll a now!

The Reds and Blues though the two mercenaries would have relaxed a little more now that they lived with them.  Well, Felix did.  But Locus was horrified to find that the place needed to be baby-proofed.  Donut helped a lot with the baby-proofing, but became more concerned about interior decorating and Locus wound up making everyone help out baby-proofing.

“Where’s my baby?!” Locus asked, sounding frantic as he walked into the living room, “I was only gone for ten minutes, and I asked you guys to watch her!”

Wash looked up from his novel and looked around. “I... was watching her. But Lavernius said he wanted to use something that would help her.” He explained, "Locus, you need to relax.  I know your obsessed with baby proofing the place, but Alex will be fine as long as someone watches her."

Tucker then walked into the living looking smug. “Where’s my baby?” Locus growled

“Don’t worry, Locus. Alex is perfectly fine, she’s playing with a ball.” Tucker shrugged, “Don’t worry, I made sure everything was safe.”

“Tucker, I swear if you messed that up, I’m going to kill you.” Wash threatened

“Well, did you at least finish baby-proofing so Alex doesn’t hurt herself?” Locus asked, “I finished baby-proofing the kitchen. And Carolina said she would take care of the dining room.”

“Yes. I finished baby proofing the bedrooms with Simmons.” Wash snorted turning back to his novel.

Locus then turned to put the safety tabs on the coffee table when he looked up and saw a horrendous sight. “Agent Washington...” Locus began, “I said to baby proof everything in the house, not BABY PROOF THE BABY!”

Poor Alex was crawling around in a miniature hamster ball meant for toddlers. Felix walked in and saw his daughter and let out a tiny chuckle. “Hey! That wasn’t my idea! That was Lavernius’ idea!” Wash argued

“Hey, I did it with my kid and he liked it. So I thought ‘maybe she’ll like it too’!” Tucker said, relaxing on the couch, “Besides, she’s having tons of fun!”

Alex was whining and rolling all over the place. “Dada! Papa!” she called, rolling right into Locus.

Locus looked down at his daughter in pity. He then unscrewed the top off the hamster ball. He quickly reached for Alex and kicked away the plastic ball. Felix then walked over and began to stroke her cheek. Alex then started to turn a little bit green from rolling around for so long. Locus wasn’t surprised when she then puked everywhere. Unfortunately, she had to just puke all over Felix.

“TUCKER!!” he shrieked, “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?! NOW I HAVE BABY PUKE ALL OVER ME!! AND I JUST HAD A SHOWER!!”

Alex then began to cry and howl. Locus then went to get her cleaned up. Donut was more than happy to clean up the floor. Felix stormed off to take another shower to get rid of the horrid smell.

Alex’s room was more baby friendly, as the walls were painted a beautiful sunshine yellow. All of the furniture they were given was replaced with mahogany furniture, as Donut argued that their old furniture clashed horribly with the room.

Once Alex was cleaned and redressed into a onesie, Locus rejoined the rest of the crew in the den. Alex was still whining in discomfort sue to still being nauseous. Locus gave Alex to Carolina and went to the kitchen. He came a few minutes later with a hot water bottle that had a soft animal cover over top of it. The animal was a tiger, which Alex adored. Locus also had a book in his hands, titled _Cinderella_.

“Can I read it to her?” a voice asked

Locus turned around and found Felix drying his hair off. “That was quick.” He noted

“Well, Donut is on a cleaning frenzy.” Felix shrugged, “I do not want to be in that man’s way while he’s cleaning.”

“Well, alright. But if you tell it in a way that is not suitable for a baby, then someone else can read it.”

“Oh, relax! I won’t give our daughter nightmares.” Felix reasoned

Locus sighed and handed Felix the book. Felix sat down in an armchair while Locus sat across from him with Alex in tow. Locus gently placed the hot water bottle onto Alex’s stomach while Alex wrapped her arms around the soft plushy cover.

Felix made himself comfortable and opened the book to begin the story while everyone turned their attention to Felix. _“Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a tiny kingdom; peaceful, prosperous, and rich in romance and tradition. Here in a stately chateau, there lived a widowed gentleman, and his little daughter, Cinderella.”_ Felix recited

Felix let out a chuckle. “You know, Lex. This story sort reminds me of you and I. I’m the ever loving gentleman with a beautiful daughter. Locus is the cruel step-father, and everyone else are the ugly step-siblings!” he smirked, glancing at Locus

“I beg to differ, Felix.” Locus snorted, cradling Alex, “You seem to handle being the cruel one the best.”

“Felix quit being a dick and just read the damn story.” Tucker groaned

Felix rolled his eyes and continued reading. _“Although he was a kind and devoted father, and gave his beloved child every luxury and comfort, still he felt she needed a mother's care. And so he married again, choosing for his second wife, a woman of good family, with two daughters just Cinderella's age, by name, Anastasia and Drizella.”_ He read, making a face, “Drizella? Anastasia?? What ugly names!”

“Wish my dad paid that much attention to me.” Carolina smirked, “And I’m so glad that I go by Carolina. My name is ten times worse than Drizella.”

_“ It was upon the untimely death of this good man, however, that the stepmother's true nature was revealed: cold, cruel, and bitterly jealous of Cinderella's charm and beauty, she was grimly determined to forward the interests of her own two awkward daughters.”_ Felix recited, raising his eyebrows, “Never mind, I’ll be the cruel step-father.  The loving father winds up dead.”

“Felix, exactly how shallow are you?” Grif asked, sitting upside down on the couch

“Shut up, Tubby!” Felix snorted, “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the exact same thing!”

“I’d rather be called Tubby than what I’m going to call you, Chinese Ninja!” Grif retorted

“I’m Korean!!”

“Felix!” Locus warned

_"Thus, as time went by, the chateau fell into disrepair, for the family fortunes were squandered upon the vain and selfish stepsisters while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become a servant in her own house.”_ Felix read, looking discouraged, "God, this lady was such a...wicked lady."

He gave Locus a sheepish smile while Locus rolled his eyes in annoyance.  _“And yet, through it all, Cinderella remained ever gentle and kind, for with each dawn she found new hope that someday her dreams of happiness would come true.”_ Felix finished, turning the page to continue reading the story

Everyone finally quieted down and let Felix read the story.  By the time Felix finished the story, Alex was slurping on her fingers as she snoozed peacefully in Locus' arms.  What made the scene even more funny was Locus was fast asleep as well.  Felix let out a giggle.  "I think his baby-proofing caught up with him." he whispered, covering Locus and Alex with a soft blanket

Everyone tip toed out of the room while Donut pulled the curtains closed.  Felix was about to leave, but changed his mind.  He crawled onto the couch and curled up into Locus' side under the covers.  Locus' deep breathing and Alex's slurping were enough for Felix himself, to fall into a peaceful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, nap time is the best time. What happens next when the authorities catch up to them? I do not own the narration of Cinderella, all rights go to Walt Disney.


	10. Hiding Behind the Scenes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The UNSC shows up unexpectedly at their door, will mercenaries be able to avoid them?

Locus could finally relax and settle down once everything was baby-proofed.  And none too soon, as Alex was beginning to get faster at crawling.  She was even beginning to make lots of noise other than just chirp and squeal.

Now that Alex had established as Locus and Felix as Daddy and Papa, she grew a less scared when her daddies weren’t in the room.  She used to cry and wail for hours on end until one of them came to get her.  Now she would cry for a few minutes and then move on to something else.

She became less picky about eating solid foods, but still made a grabbing gesture for her bottle.  She also developed a preference for certain foods.  She hated eating broccoli and apple sauce, but loved blueberries and Cheerios.  Felix found this out when he was feeding her some breakfast.  “Come on, Lex.  Eat the yummy apple sauce.” He asked, politely

Alex gave Felix the sourest look she ever gave anyone.  She then began to squirm and fuss to get out of her highchair.  Felix sighed in frustration, and slammed his head on the table.  “Alexandra Felicia Lee-Almeida, you are being very difficult right now!”

Carolina walked by with a bowl full of blueberries, which were fresh from the backyard garden that Donut planted.  Alex began to whine and make a grabbing gesture for the blueberries.  “B-b-boo!” she called

“Boo?!” Felix asked, “What is boo?”

Carolina looked at the bowl in her hands, and then at Alex.  She hesitantly gave her one, which Alex took and stuffed into her mouth.  She smiled and made a grabbing gesture for more.  Felix got the hint and got her a little bowl, and placed it in front of her.  Alex happily ate her blueberries without much complaint.  “Baba!” she said, pushing the bowl away once she was done

Felix sighed and handed Alex her bottle of formula.  “You named her after yourself?” Carolina asked

“No, Locus did.  Smartass gave her a middle name without me knowing.”

After breakfast, everyone went off to do their own thing.  Simmons was fixing a couple computers, Felix was watching sports, Carolina was practicing judo moves, Donut was busy placing lunch on the table, Locus and Wash were reading, Alex was playing with her toys, and Grif was sleeping.  All was relatively peaceful.  “I hate to break this to you, people.  But there are some soldiers waiting at the front gate.” Sarge said, pointing out the window

Everyone stopped what they were doing and rushed to the window.  Felix and Locus stayed back to where Grif was sleeping.  “Grif!!”  Simmons squeaked, “Wake up!!  The UNSC are here!”

 Grif sighed and got up from the couch to join the others.  "Well, you two are so screwed." Grif said bluntly

“We’re going to die.  We’re going to fucking die!” Felix panicked

“Felix, we’re not going to die!  We just need to find a place to hide until the UNSC leaves.  You guys know a good place to hide?” Locus asked

“Well, we could hide Alex in plain sight, and pose her as someone else’s daughter...maybe Carolina and Caboose.  Since Caboose has dark hair and Carolina has green eyes...” Wash thought, “You two, on the other hand.  We need to find the-”

There was a weird sound and Caboose popped out from behind the fireplace.  “...Caboose.  How did you do that?” Wash asked after a few minutes of silence

“I have no idea.  Admiral Buttercrust and I were playing hide and seek and I ended up in a dark, damp hallway.  It was very scary.” Caboose explained, “I was missing for three hours.”

“...That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.” Wash told Caboose, “That also doesn't explain why-”

“Sure it does, Agent Washington!” Donut piped up, “Caboose found one of the secret passages.  To open it up, all you have to do is pull on the statue’s nose.” Donut then pointed to the marble statue of the late Dr. Leonard Church

“...WHAT?!” Wash shrieked

“You didn’t know?  There’s lots of secret passages all over the mansion.  One even ends up in the attic, which I cleaned to perfection!” Donut explained

“Actually, he’s got a point.” Epsilon said, “The former director of Project Freelancer built this house out of stone and brick.  We’re basically living in what would we would consider a very small castle, furnished elegantly in the main rooms, and having a dungeon like appearance with all the secret passages.”

Everyone was in stunned silence for few seconds, until Carolina spoke.  “...Well, that explains a lot.” Carolina said, “I always wondered how my father managed to pop from one room to the next, looking like he teleported.”

Suddenly, there was a large pounding coming from the front door.  UNSC, open up!” a voice demanded,

“Coming!” Carolina called

“What do we do, people?” Felix asked, getting anxious

“Quick, into the passage!  Donut, open it up!” Wash said, “Everyone else, act like you would normally do.  Caboose, I cannot stress this enough, don’t tell the officers who Alex’s parents are!”

“Okay.” He said, following Alex as she crawled out of the room.  “And for god’s sake, keep an eye on her!  We don’t need Alex hurting herself!!” Wash called

“Ok!”

Donut ran to the top of the fireplace, and pulled on the marble statue’s nose.  Locus and Felix ran into the passage just as Donut closed it up.  Carolina ran down the hall to the front door.  “Well, let’s have some fun now!” Tucker grinned, "They don't know who we are, let's mess with them."

“Tucker, no!  Be serious, we need to convince the officers to-”

“Hey, this closet right here has all kinds of suits and jackets.” Simmons pointed out, opening the closet wide for everyone else to see

“...Oh, this is going to be so much fun.” Grif smirked

Wash rubbed his temples.  “Why do I have the feeling I’m going to regret this?”

Meanwhile, Carolina went and opened the door.  “Good day, sirs.  How may I help you?” Carolina asked, with a sweet smile.

“We received an anonymous call that you people were hiding the two wanted mercenaries here-” the officer explained

“Why would we hide two cold-blooded killers that are wanted by the UNSC, especially since we have a baby on the premise?” Carolina asked, “Seems kind of redundant if you ask me.”

“Yeah, but they also might be here without you knowing.”  The other guy said, “We’re just going to take a look around to make sure they’re not intruding in your home.”

“Be my guest, officer.” Carolina said, “We have absolutely nothing to hide-”

Soon, there was a loud clanging noise coming from the kitchen.  “What in Sam’s hell are you doing in there?!” Sarge shouted, from the dining room

“WE ARE A BAND!!” Caboose shouted, “HIT IT ALEX!!”

The loud clanging noise continued on, coming from the kitchen, which left the two officers no choice but to investigate.  What they found was really surprising.  From their eyes, they saw a little baby girl, sitting on the floor with a fully grown man, with a wooden spoon in her hand, banging the pots that were turned upside down on the floor.  The fully grown man, on the other hand, was hitting the lids together like a pair of cymbals.  “Now I’ve seen everything.” The one officer said

“Caboose!” Carolina growled, “I said to watch her, not get into shenanigans with her!”

“For heaven’s sake, do keep it down in there.  We are trying to- Good heavens, Carolina!  Do fix yourself up!  We have guests over you know!” Wash said, walking into the kitchen wearing a fancy suit

“Wash, what are you-”

“Don’t ask, just go with it!” he whispered to her quickly, “Believe me, this is pretty idiotic for me as well.”

“Ah, yes.  Do put on your nicest dress, these men are simply the finest men in the city.  We must make an absolute good impression on them.” Wash said, “The nanny is fine taking care of the baby on his own.”

“...Right. I’ll go get dressed.” Carolina sighed, giving Wash the evil eye.

“Good day, officers.  What brings you two to our fancy home?” he asked the two officers

“Er, we were just telling your wife that we were making sure that the two wanted mercenaries hadn’t broken into your home.” The one explained

“What?!  Two criminals?!  In my home?!  How preposterous!!” Wash barked, “Why, our security system would have immediately alerted us if those two rapscallions ever showed up on our property!!”

“Wash, get in here, pronto!  Your butler is doing everything wrong!” Sarge barked

“Er, you will have to excuse me.  My guests are expecting me.” Wash said, walking towards the dining

The officers followed in suit.  What they found would look kind of ridiculous to Locus and Felix, but looked quite ordinary for a mansion owner.  Grif and Simmons were wearing old suits looking quite regal, Donut was wearing a business suit with his hair slicked back, Sarge had on a fancy military uniform, and Tucker was wearing a black suit, pouring wine.

“Good heavens, Lavernius!  What are doing serving wine on the right?!  You serve wine on the left!” Wash scolded

“What ever has gotten into your butler, Washington?” Simmons asked

“My mistake, sir.  It won’t happen again.” Tucker ground out

“Of course it won’t happen again, it will be your job next time!” Wash sighed, irritably

The mercenaries, from the secret passage, could hear the whole situation from where they were hiding.  Felix tried hard with all his might to not burst into laughter.  “Shut up, Felix!” Locus whispered, “I’m trying to listen!”

“I couldn’t find my brand new dress.  So this was the next best thing.” Carolina said, walking into the room

Carolina had put on a lovely cyan coloured dress.  The sharpness of the colour really brought out her red hair and green eyes.  It was very bohemian styled, as it had very loose but elegant look to it.  “It’s perfect!” Donut exclaimed out loud

Everyone looked at Donut.  “Uh, for my next photo shoot, of course!” he made up quickly, “I could design so many dresses like that!  That look is so in!”

"Honestly, Franklin.  Do you ever think of anything other than fashion and interior design?" Simmons asked, going along with Donut, "I mean, I know it's your career.  But really, you need to learn to relax."

"Oh Richard, you know how busy I am!" Donut sighed, sipping his wine, "I wish I could vacation like you and Dexter did."

The two officers looked at each other before inspecting the entire household, while everyone held their breath in anticipation.  Finally, after an hour, the officers returned back to the dining room.  "Well, everything seems to be in order, we'll just be on our way then.  We are terribly sorry for interrupting your-" the officer began

"Lunch meeting.  Yes, how rude of you." Grif scowled, grabbing a sandwich off the plate.

"Dexter!" Simmons gasped, "That was not very polite to talk to officers of the law like that!"

"Butler!  A bit more wine!  And do serve it on the left!" Wash requested

Tucker pretended to obey his orders and poured his wine on the left side.  "There you are, dear sir." Tucker said

"Thank you, Lavernius.  This will go on your report at the end of the week." Wash said, shooing him away

 The officers left immediately after that.  Once they were out the door, everyone burst out laughing.  "That was fucking hilarious!" Tucker cackled, "And we totally pulled it off!"

“Does this mean we can come out now?” Felix called

Donut got up and pulled on the statue’s nose again.  Locus and Felix ran back out before the door closed again.  “That was really close.” Locus breathed, “And possibly the stupidest plan ever!”

Everyone calmed down and looked at each other.  “Well, you can all get out of my father’s clothes and go back to what you were doing before.” Carolina began

“...Or we can all dress up and have lunch together.” Simmons suggested, “I mean, lunch is on the table...”

“...Fuck it.  Let’s have a fancy lunch.” Grif said finally

“Hey, Caboose!  Pick a fancy suit and have lunch in here!  And bring Alex with you!” Tucker called

Caboose came in with Alex crawling behind.  “Papa!” she said, crawling up to Felix.

Felix picked up Alex and bounced her gently.  “There are extra suits in the closet.” Carolina said to Locus

“...Let me get Alex dressed in something nicer then.” Locus sighed, taking Alex upstairs to change

Of all the ridiculous ideas the Reds and Blues ever had.  Eating lunch with their former enemies, all of them dressed up in ridiculous fancy suits, and Alex beaming in her highchair with them, was probably the most stupidest but best idea ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I had so much fun writing this chapter! The inspiration for this chapter came from watching Archer. I literally could not stop giggling as I wrote it.


	11. Babysitter and Soldier, Not the Same Thing Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Locus and Felix have to go away for a few days, taking the ex-freelancers with them for back up. Can the Reds and Blues take care of a baby?

Locus and Felix decided to go on a personal mission, to find someone able to forge documents and give them completely new identities.  They decided to take Agent Washington and Carolina with them, the two ex-freelancers having the most experience with missions like the one they were going on.  The problem was with Alex. 

Alex was still too much of burden to bring along.  Unfortunately, they were worried at the fact that the Reds and Blues weren’t exactly qualified enough to care for a baby.  Being soldiers that worked together, yes.  Being a babysitter for someone else’s kid, not really.  The mercenaries only agreed because they only trusted Donut and Tucker.

“Now remember, Alex gets a bottle after she eats her food.  She only eats blueberries, bananas, Cheerios, small pieces of cheese, peach yogurt, and mashed potatoes.” Felix said, “She hates apple sauce, broccoli, orange juice-”

“You gave our baby orange juice and she hated it?” Locus asked, raising his eyebrows

“Yeah, she spit it out and landed all over herself.  She then got mad at me and asked for her bottle.” Felix sighed, “That’s why I had to give her a bath after breakfast.”

Locus shrugged his shoulders.  “Alex has a nap in the afternoon for an hour, or else she gets cranky.  Give her a bath in the evening, and read her a story so she can sleep at night.  She loves her music box, so play a little bit before she goes to sleep.” Locus continued, “She loves to play with us, so set some time aside to play with her.  And remember, if she starts crying, just give Alex her pacifier and rock her gently.”

“Okay you two, it’s time to leave.” Wash said, zipping up their bag full of assault weapons.

“Bye-bye, Alex.” Felix cooed, “We’ll be back in a few days.”

Alex’s eyes began to well up with tears.  She then began to bawl her eyes out.  “Dada!!  Papa!!” she cried, making a grabbing gesture

Locus never thought he’d see Felix look so sad.  But Felix turned around and went out the front door.  Although, Locus swore he thought he saw Felix shed a tear.  “Alex,” Locus said firmly, “Don’t be sad, we’ll be home on Saturday.  Papa and I don’t want to go, but we need to.  We love you, so be good while we’re gone.”

“Dada?” she asked, tearfully

“Daddy has to go.  I’ll be home as soon as I can.” Locus murmured, kissing her chubby hand.  “Bye-bye.  See you Saturday.”

“Dada!” Alex cried, “Papa!”

Of course, it hurt the mercenaries more than anything to be separated from Alex, even if it was only for a few days.  After this whole time, two loved her very much, even if they would never admit it so openly.  Felix threatened to turn around and walk back just to get Alex, but onward they went.  “Felix, I trust that Donut will take very good care of Alex.  He seems more than capable of handling her.  The others?   ...Let’s not dwell on that.” Wash said

Meanwhile, Alex began to throw a baby tantrum.  She did not want her daddies to go, she needed them.  As soon as she was put down on the floor, Alex crawled as fast as she could to the front door. “No, no,  Alex.  You can’t go with them.” Donut said, pushing her into a different direction

Alex flopped onto to her stomach and bawled her eyes out.  “DADA!!”  she howled, “PAPA!!”

Donut couldn’t help but feel bad for Alex.  He knew that she was doing this for attention, but it was pretty clear that she loved Locus and Felix more than anything.  She cried for an hour, while Donut told everyone to ignore her.  “She’ll just continue to cry if we give her any attention, that’s what she wants.” He explained

Finally, the screaming stopped, though they could still hear her crying.  Alex had crawled into the kitchen, runny nose, puffy eyes, and tears drying on her face.  She grabbed Donut’s pant leg and made a grabbing gesture.  Donut took pity and picked up Alex.  He pulled out an orange pacifier, and gave to her.  She accepted it and began to whimper.

Donut pulled out a soft handkerchief and wiped her nose and the tears off her face.  He rocked her gently and whispered that she was okay.  “It’s okay, Alex.” He cooed, “Papa and daddy will come home.  I know, it hurts.”

After her tantrum, Alex was put down for a nap.  Though after her nap time, Alex began acting very differently.  She didn’t play with her toys, except her toy keys, and just sat at the front door.  Sarge couldn’t help watch her for two hours.  He noticed that every five minutes Alex would look up and watch the door, and then return to playing with her toy keys, sucking on her pacifier.

“Everyone, in here, double time!” Sarge called

Everyone rushed into the room.  “...Men, we need to distract the little one here.  All she has done is watch the door, expectin' her daddies to walk in, for two hours.” Sarge explained, pointing to Alex

Caboose noticed a ball that he saw Locus and Alex play with a few times.  He picked it up and walked over to Alex.  He sat down in front of the door, and rolled the ball to Alex.  Alex looked at Caboose for a brief second, and then put down her toy keys.  She then grabbed the ball and rolled it back to Caboose.

Luckily, she was able to be distracted by Caboose for two hours, even if his methods were a bit unorthodox.  Unorthodox was banging pots and pans together, throwing the clean laundry everywhere (which stressed out poor Donut); getting into the pantry, pushing over boxes of cereal and eating it (less Caboose, more Alex).  So, Donut wasn’t surprised that Alex wasn’t hungry when dinner rolled around.

“Well, that’s what you get when you help yourself to the cereal in the pantry, Alex.” Donut scolded, as he handed Alex her bottle

Alex didn’t make any noise as she drank from her bottle.  She whined and made a grabbing gesture for Donut.  He gave in and cradled her as she drank from her bottle.  Donut set the bottle down  and made sure Alex didn’t get an upset stomach.

 She slowly began to fall asleep in Donut’s arms.  “I need to clean up the kitchen.  Can one of you get her ready for bed?” he asked the others

“...I’ll do it.” Grif volunteered

“You?!” Tucker asked, “You don’t know how-”

“Please, I had to get Kaikaina ready for bed when we were children.  This is like a walk in the park for me.”

Donut sighed and handed Alex over to Grif.  He walked upstairs to the bathroom and ran a warm bath for her.  Alex kept trying to fall asleep as she was being washed.  Finally, Grif managed to get her dried off and dressed for bed. 

Grif picked her up and walked to her bedroom.  He gently placed Alex into her crib and tucked her in.  He then turned around and opened up a tiny music box.  The sound of Frozen’s “Let it Go” melody filled the room, which sounded rather sweet and soothing.

Although Donut painted the room sunshine yellow, the mercenaries decided to get everything she owned in light blue.  Not because they liked the Blues, but because Alex loved Elsa from Frozen.  Still, they loved to dress her in orange and green.  Surprisingly, the yellow, mahogany furniture, and the light blue decoration made the room really unique and somehow complimented itself.

Grif picked up the Elsa plushie, and tucked it underneath Alex’s arm.  He then closed the drapes, so the sun wouldn’t wake her in the morning, and sat down in the soft rocking chair.  He picked up a book that was on the floor, and opened it up.  He cleared his throat and read the beginning.  “ _In a tiny kingdom, called Arendelle, there were two sisters...”_

After he finished reading the book.  He turned off the music box and shut off the light, letting the glow of the Frozen night-light fill the room.  Grif went downstairs to join the others.  Everyone was standing around the room, looking at the entire mess Alex and Caboose made.  "...This is not good." Simmons said finally

"Yeah, Caboose.  Next time you and Alex play, make sure you clean up after her." Tucker sighed

"You think that's bad, look at the kitchen.  There's cereal everywhere." Donut added

Sarge grumbled and grabbed a broom.  "Well, men.  Tonight, is good night to get cleaning!" he said

"Can't we do it tomorrow?" Grif whined

“What do you think, dirtbag?” Sarge asked, lowly

“...Where’s the vacuum cleaner?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Reds and Blues, they have to clean up...and in all honesty, they're not really good at it either.


	12. Babysitter and Soldier, Not the Same Thing Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day two of being babysitters. Will Alex cope? And besides, has anyone seen Lopez? Sorry for not posting, I got writer's block.

Well, if Alex was being difficult yesterday, she was being impossible today.  She was refusing to eat anything, not even her bottle.  Donut was becoming very stressed out with her not eating.  "Alex, your daddy and papa won't be very happy to hear that you're not eating." Donut said

Alex turned her head up and smiled.  "Dada?  Papa?" she asked, perking up

"No Alex, they'll be home tomorrow." Donut admitted

Alex's smile faded, and her eyes began to fill up with tears.  She was soon bawling her eyes out and squirming to get out of her high chair.  Sarge was growing tired of Alex's crying.  "Alright, dirtbag!  Quit yer crying and man up for once!" he commanded to Alex

Alex stopped crying and gave Sarge the dirtiest glare a baby could give.  "Well, at least yer not crying anymore." Sarge shrugged

“Okay, Alex.  Now eat some yogurt, it’s very yummy.” Donut said, giving her the spoon.

Alex frowned and threw the spoon onto the floor.  She began to scream as loud as her little lungs could handle.  Caboose walked into the room, and tilted his head.  “ARE WE YELLING AS LOUD AS WE CAN?!  BECAUSE I CAN YELL LOUDER THAN YOU!!!” he shouted, all too cheerfully

Alex stopped screaming and looked at Caboose confusedly.  She wasn’t sure what to do, so she stayed quiet.  Simmons, Grif, and Tucker couldn’t help but stare at Caboose.  “Is Caboose a baby whisperer?” Grif asked finally

“No, I think because he has the ability to be in touch with his inner child.   The more closer his brain capacity is that to a two year old, the more capable he is to understand Alex.” Simmons explained, a bit too correctly

Caboose picked up the spoon from the floor, and spooned some yogurt onto it.  “Here’s comes the train.  Choo, choo!” he said

Alex smiled and opened her mouth.  Caboose was able to feed Alex her breakfast quite easily.  Let’s just say, Caboose did the exact same shenanigans as he did the day before, except in a longer time frame.  So all of the Red’s and Blue’s hard was for nothing (not that they didn’t  try hard enough in the first place).  The only new event that happened was Alex meeting Lopez...for the first time. 

Turns out, Lopez was always in the basement, avoiding the Reds and Blues.  His reasoning, he didn’t want to be asked to fix something like the vacuum cleaner or the toaster.  Unfortunately, he was never told that the two mercenaries were living with them and that they had a baby.

Alex and Caboose were busy, banging on the pots and pans again, when Lopez came bursting out of the basement.  _“Por el amor de Dios! Va a mantenerla baja, idiotas ?!”_   (1) Lopez said, angrily

He turned to look at Caboose, but paused when he saw Alex. _“Cuando demonios que las personas adoptan un bebé ?! Y cómo no se me ha dicho que esto ?!”  (2)_

Alex looked at Lopez, looking quite frightened, before she proceeded to scream and cry her eyes out.  Donut and Sarge came rushing in.  “What in Sam’s hell is going on in here?!” Sarge demanded as Donut picked up Alex.

“Lopez did it.” Caboose said

“Lopez, did you make Alex cry?” Sarge asked, “Because I don’t think those two mercenaries would be glad to hear that you made their daughter cry!”

 _“¿Qué carajo ?! Esos dos tienen un niño ?! ¡¿Cómo es eso posible?!”_  (3) Lopez asked

“Well, that’s what you get for scarin’ the little one, Lopez!” Sarge scolded

 _“Y lo que la gente todavía no sé lo que estoy diciendo ...”_  (4)Lopez grumbled

“Hey, Alex.” Donut murmured, “Don’t be scared, Alex.  Lopez won’t hurt you.”

“Lopez, why don’t ya say hello to Alex?  It might make her less scared of ya.” Sarge suggested

Lopez would have rolled his eyes, if anyone saw his robot face.  He turned to Alex, who whimpered in fear.  _“...Hola, Alex_.” Lopez said, “ _Soy López, pero no me entienden_.” (5)

Alex looked at Lopez for a brief second.  “Oh..wah.” she pronounced, slowly, “Woah...pehz”

Alex then let out a grin, quite pleased at herself.  “Oh-wa.  Woah-Pehz.” She repeated

Lopez was still before he proceeded to go back downstairs to the basement.  “...Did this little one just attempt to speak Spanish?” Sarge asked, dumbfounded

“Wait, doesn’t Locus speak Spanish?” Donut asked

“Dada?” Alex asked, looking around

After Alex’s encounter with Lopez, things went from nuts to absolute chaos.  Alex decided to cause mischief, which meant causing the exact same things as yesterday.  Except Alex seemed like she was intended to be naughty on purpose...

Alex crawled upstairs and pushed the laundry baskets over.  She would grab books from the bottom shelves and push them down the stairs.  She crawled back down and got into the pantry again, this time, getting into the flour and the margarine.  She wound up playing with the margarine like finger paint and spread it all over the floor.  Alex got into an open jar of peanut butter (from Grif) and painted the walls with peanut butter.

“ALEX!!” Donut shrieked, once he found what she was doing, “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!  YOUR DADS ARE GOING TO BE SO MAD AT YOU!!”

Alex eyes filled up with tears and began to cry her eyes out.  “DADA!  PAPA!” she wailed, as she rolled onto her back and kicked her feet into the air.

She cried for three hours, which was record for yesterday.  This time, she would crawl into the room the Reds and Blues were in and have her tantrum.  All they could do was either ignore her or get up and leave the room. 

After three hours, Alex crawled into the corner and began to whimper and sniffle.  She knew she was naughty, but no one wanted to comfort her or even scold her.  She crawled over to her baby blanket, picked it up, and pulled it over her head.  Alex began to cry to herself, pretending she wasn’t in the room.

After a few minutes, Grif pulled the blanket off Alex and picked her up.  “Alex, you know you were naughty... but it’s okay.  Papa and daddy will come home, I swear.  They’ll be home tomorrow afternoon.” He murmured

“Dada?  Papa?” she sniffled

“I promise.  And I might be lazy and rude.  But I’m not a liar.  Tomorrow, your daddies will be home.” Grif promised

“...Dada...papa...” she said, growing sleepy

Grif gave Alex to Simmons for nap time.  Simmons put the sleeping babe into her playpen with her baby blanket.  “She really misses Locus and Felix.” Grif said, as everyone regrouped in the kitchen

“Which is why I’ve been working on these.” Donut said, pulling something out of a nearby sewing box.

“...Those are fucking amazing!” Tucker uttered out after a few seconds of silence

Donut had sewn together two plushies of Locus and Felix.  They looked cute and cuddly enough for a baby, but still looked just like the mercenaries.  “Are you going to give them to her once she’s awake?” Simmons asked

“Of course, silly.  Alex wants her daddies, so let’s give her something that will comfort her.” Donut answered, “They’re not the real thing, but they’re easier to keep around.”

Once Alex woke up, Donut picked her up and got her into cleaner clothes from her kitchen fiasco.  “I have a special gift for you.” He said, putting her in a flannel onesie

Alex tilted her head to one side.  She then squealed in excitement as Donut pulled out the two plushies.  “Dada!  Papa!” she babbled, giving both dolls a bug hug.

“Yes.  Your daddies will now always be with you, even if they’re not here.” Donut grinned

While the plushy dolls weren’t the real thing.  To Alex, papa and daddy were right at home with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You want to know what Lopez is saying? Here:  
> (1) For the love of God, will you keep it down, you idiots?!  
> (2) When the hell did you people adopt a baby?! Why was I not told any of this?!  
> (3) What the fuck?! Those two have a child?! How is that possible?!  
> (4) And you people still don't know what I'm saying...  
> (5) I am Lopez, but you don't understand me.


	13. Babysitter and Soldier, Not the Same Thing Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the final day of the Reds and Blues taking care of Alex. And Alex learns something special!

Donut’s plushy dolls seemed to help with Alex’s loneliness.  She wouldn’t cry as often as she did, but she would cry and hug them as tight as she could.  Caboose also seemed to help with distracting Alex.  He was spending so much time with Alex, that the others were starting to wonder what he was doing.

“Can’t tell you.  It’s a surprise.” Caboose said, “Come Alex, let’s go practice on your trick.”

“Caboose, she’s not a dog.  She’s a baby.” Tucker groaned

Alex babbled to herself as she followed Caboose out of the room, crawling quite quickly.  Her two plushy dolls were being dragged behind her, pinned to her orange shirt (with orange and green leggings). 

“Now that Caboose has Alex busy, let’s get down to our first order of business.” Sarge declared

“Yeah, the house looks like a fucking hobo’s palace.” Grif sighed

“What are we going to do?!” Simmons asked, “Carolina, Wash and the mercenaries are coming home today!  We’ll never get this place cleaned up in time!”

“Well, we have to try!” Tucker reasoned, “They’ll murder us all if it doesn’t look like we tried!”

Each of them decided on one chore.  Donut would wash the dishes, Sarge would sweep and vacuum the floors, Simmons would pick up the toys scattered everywhere, Tucker would do the laundry, and Grif was to dust and wipe everything down.

They had a great head start, until they ran into issues.  Grif was re-wiping things he had wiped clean, Simmons found himself picking up the same toys over and over, Tucker kept finding articles of dirty laundry on the floor, Donut was finding a new stack of dishes each time he finished a stack, and Sarge was finding dirt on his freshly vacuumed floors.  “WHAT IN SAM’S HELL IS GOING ON?!” he roared

They realized Caboose was getting into shenanigans with Alex... again.  “Caboose, quit getting into stuff we have already cleaned up!” Tucker ordered, “You’re making a big fucking mess!!”

“Not my fault.  Alex did it!” Caboose said, pointing at Alex

Alex was sitting on the floor, eating from a box of Cheerios she had knocked over.  “See-Wah!” she chirped, picking up pieces of Cheerios.

“...Alex must be hungry.” Simmons concluded, picking up the squirming baby

After feeding Alex some cheese cubes, peas, and a bit of mashed potato; Caboose took her to another room, claiming they needed some more time to work on her special trick.  Although glad that Caboose and Alex were out of the way, the others were still mad that they had to re-clean everything.  They wound up getting Lopez out of the basement and helping out with anyone who needed it most.

All the while, four familiar figures were walking up towards the house.  “I’m so glad we’re finally home.  Our baby must have been so upset with us not around.” Felix said, quite cheerfully

“Admit it, Felix, you missed your daughter.  And it’s because you love her.” Carolina

"I haven't the slightest idea what the hell you're talking about." Felix retorted 

Locus sighed as he opened the front door.  “We’re home!  Where’s my daughter?” Felix called, a bit too excitedly

They found the entire place completely turned upside down.  Toys and laundry were scattered everywhere.  The pots and pans were all on the floor and arranged from biggest to smallest.  Donut came out of the kitchen, clearly exhausted from the constant cleaning.  Tucker was constantly running in and out of the basement with a basket full of clean laundry, Simmons was trying to pick up all the toys scattered on the floor, Sarge was vacuuming up a storm, and Grif was snoring.

“What. The.  Hell.” Carolina said, walking to the disaster they called home

“What did you guys do?!” Wash demanded, “We were only gone for three days!!”

“Alex?!” Felix panicked, “Where’s our baby?!”

Locus looked around until he saw something that caught his eye.  He walked over and picked something up off the floor.  “Who made these?” Locus asked, showing Felix what he was holding

Locus had picked up the two plushy dolls that were supposed to look like them.  “I...I did.” Donut sighed, sitting down onto the floor, “Alex...was lonely.  So I sewed them so she could always have you...around.”

Caboose walked out of the living room, with Alex crawling right behind.  He looked up and immediately spotted the two mercenaries.  “Oh, look Alex!  Your daddies are home!” Caboose smiled, “Let’s show them your special trick!”

Alex looked up and let out a loud squeal.  “DADA!!  PAPA!!” she chirped, happily

Caboose stopped and Alex crawled up to him.  She slowly grabbed a hold of his pant leg, and pulled herself up until she was standing.  She made a grabbing gesture until Caboose grabbed her hand.  What made Felix almost burst into tears and Locus drop the dolls and grin like a madman, was truly surprising.

Alex was walking.  True, she was only able to walk with Caboose’s help.  But she was walking!  “Our little girl...is walking!” Felix squealed

“Papa!” Alex grinned, looking at Felix.  Alex then turned to Locus. “Dada.” She said, most sure.  Alex then turned to look at Caboose.  “Un...ka...Boos!” she said, quite pleased with herself, “Unca Boos!”

“...Of all the people in this household.  Caboose is the first to be called an Uncle?!” Tucker demanded

“Well, to be fair, Caboose was the only one who took the time to play with her.  I just took care of her needs and cleaned up after her.” Donut pointed out

“What does that have to do with anything?  It’s still not fair!” Tucker pouted

“Unca Nut!” Alex chirped, when Locus picked her up.  “Uncle...Nut?” Locus asked her

Alex grinned and made a grabbing gesture for Donut.  “Unca Nut!” she repeated

“No, no, no, NO!  Donut gets to be an uncle?!” Tucker shrieked, storming off

Felix rolled his eyes and picked up Alex.  “My little, sassy baby.” He cooed, “I’m so glad you’re happy to have us home.”

“Oh-Wah...Papa!” she babbled, “Oh-Wah...Dada!”

“ _Hola_ , little one.” Locus murmured, “Good to be home with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry a bunches for going on a bit of a hiatus. School is getting extremely busy and i needed to send off my resume for a summer job. Hopefully I have more time to work on this.


	14. A Chaotic Birthday Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex turns one! Who's more excited for her birthday party? The adults, of course! But will it be too chaotic for a one year old?

“So, Alex will be a year old soon...” Locus said to Felix, one day

Felix looked up from shining his knife collection.  “So?” he asked

“So-” Locus began

“We should plan a birthday party for her!” Donut piped up

“Donut, she’s still a baby!  She won’t remember her first birthday!” Grif grumbled

“Grif, not many people remember their first birthday.” Simmons sighed, looking up from his book “And no, it’s not a suppressed memory or bad experience.  I remember mine.  And mine wasn’t a big deal.”

“So-”

“There was only me, my parents, and my godparents.”  Simmons said, “My parents fed me cake, and gave me my presents, which were all tasteful for a one year old, and that was it.”

“Wow, I thought first birthdays were supposed to be a big deal.”  Grif shrugged, “You know, the baby is about a year old.

“Well, they can be if you want to be the over ecstatic parent.” Felix pointed out

“We don’t need to give her a big birthday party.  Alex should get a few presents, some cake, and wear a cute little party dress, that’s it.” Locus said

“Ooh, can I sew it?  I think an adorable lightish-”

“You’re **NOT** , making it pink or lightish red or...whatever colour of the sort!  It can be green or orange.” Felix interrupted

“Felix, Alex is a girl.” Locus said slowly, “Maybe sewing one pink dress won’t ruin her completely.”

Locus then turned to Donut.  “But maybe sew an orange or green dress, just in case she decides to complain or get the other dress dirty.”

“Okey dokey, Locus!  You can count on me.” Donut beamed, “Something breathable, like cotton or polyester.”

"Someone will need to buy some decorations for Alex.  Just some streamers and a package of balloons will do.  Someone can go out and buy a cake for her.  And a few of you can go buy her a small present." Locus said

"I'll buy decorations, if Simmons can help me remember." Grif volunteered

"I'll decorate the place with said decorations, knowing Grif will be too fucking lazy to do it." Tucker said

"I'll take care of the cake." Carolina said

"We'll get the lil' gal a present or two, won't we, Wash?" Sarge chuckled

"...This is not going to end well." Wash sighed, "I'll make sure they're child appropriate."

And so the planning for a birthday party began.  Over the next few days everyone went out and did their assigned tasks.  Donut immediately began picking fabrics and looking at possible dress designs for Alex's party dress.  Simmons and Grif went down to a party store and bought a few rolls of streamers and coloured balloons.  Carolina found an adorable marble cake with green and pink frosting on it and had it customized to read “Happy 1st Birthday Alex” on it.  Wash and Sarge were scouring the toy aisles for an appropriate toy for a one year old baby.

Alex was perfectly fine during all of this, until the day of her birthday.  Felix woke her up and took her down to breakfast.  She was seated in her high chair and given an unusual breakfast.  She was given cut up pancake pieces.  She looked at the food strangely before beginning to fuss.  Locus put a piece on her spoon and fed it to her.

She hesitated, like any baby, but began to smile when she realize how sweet they tasted.  She made a grabbing gesture for another piece.

Alex finished her breakfast without any further complaints.  Locus then got her dressed into the party dress Donut had sewn for her.  Alex wasn’t really happy to be wearing her new party dress.  She wanted to be able to crawl around in pants, not when her knees were exposed.  She gave Locus a sour look and pouted.

“You can pout all you want, but I’m not taking off that new dress Donut had sewn just for you.” He said, picking her up

Alex was then put into her playpen while everyone else began setting up.  She whined and called for anyone to come play with her, but they all were ignoring her.  She sat down and silently played with her two plushy dolls.

Alex was suddenly starting to feel a bit tired from sitting in her playpen all morning.  She lay herself down and felt herself get sleepy.  Felix then came by and picked her up.  He then took Alex to the kitchen and set her into her highchair.

Alex looked really upset.  She wasn’t hungry, she was tired!  Felix then gave her something to eat, something a bit too sweet for her liking.  She spit it out and began to fuss.  “Alex, it’s cake!” he reasoned, “Cake is yummy.”

She gave him a mean glare and began complaining again.  He sighed in irritation and took her out of her highchair.  “You are being so difficult today.” He grumbled, handing Alex over to Grif.

Everyone then gathered into the living and pulled out their presents.  “We’ll have Alex pick the present she wants opened, and we’ll go from there.” Felix explained

Alex was slowly nodding off.  But Grif kept bouncing her so was able to stay awake.  She whimpered and squirmed to get out of his grip.  Grif finally relented and put her down onto the floor.  She began to crawl away to the corner where her blankie was.  She was tired and wanted to sleep for a bit...

“No, no Alex.  You have to open your presents first.” Felix scolded, turning her towards the stack of presents for her.

Alex began to bawl her little heart out.  She didn’t want to open or play with her presents, she didn’t want to eat cake or be the centre of attention, she wanted to have a nap!  But nobody was letting her have a nap.  She began throwing a bit of a tantrum, hoping she could get what she actually needed.

Locus noticed his little girl’s pleas for a bit of a rest.  He picked her up and carried her upstairs to her room.  “Baby,” he murmured, “It’s okay.  Time for you have a bit of lie-down.  I know you’re tired.”

“Dada.” She whined, as Locus took off her dress and fit her into a soft onesie. 

Alex seemed to calm down a bit when she was placed into her crib.  She plopped herself onto the bed and lay down.  Locus covered her with a soft blanket, closed her curtains, and turned on her night-light.  Alex out a tiny yawn and slowly fell into a light slumber.  “See you later.” He murmured, kissing Alex’s forehead.

Locus went back downstairs and found everyone slowly cleaning up and taking things down.  “This was a fucking waste of time!” Felix grumbled, “We give our daughter a great little party, and she throws a tantrum!”

“Felix, she was tired.  She wanted to have a nap.  Alex fell asleep once she was in her crib.” Locus reasoned, “We should have planned our schedule better.  We should have put her down for a nap sooner, and not kept her awake for so long.”

Felix thought this over.  “We’ll continue her party later, but let’s let our Birthday Girl sleep.” He suggested, “She’ll be more happier that way.”

An hour later, Locus brought Alex down in her onesie. He felt she didn't need to wear a party dress for a small celebration with their friends. Alex was in a much happier mood. She eagerly crawled over to her presents and patted it. Felix helped her open it and found stacking rings. Alex smiled and began to chirp, wanting to play with them.  Once her presents were opened, Felix decided to try feeding Alex cake again.  She giggled and ate the sweet pastry.  She loved the balloons, especially when she hit them.  She loved eating cake, and she loved her new toys.

After her first birthday they all learned an important lesson. Let the kid what they want, and not what the adults want. Despite the little hiccup, it had been a successful and unforgettable first birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be mistaken if you think this is going to be the final chapter. I got more ideas, so we can have an easier transition to the next story arc. Stay tuned for more!


	15. Not Partners, Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A heated argument leaves Felix with an ultimatum...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated for a very long time. I was dealing with some mental health problems and then school happened. I've gotten better and now have reading week. So, how about some updates, yeah?

“Come here, Alex.” Felix cooed, “Come to Papa.”

Alex was able to walk with someone holding her hand, but she was scared to walk all by herself.  She tried a few times by herself, but she usually fell over.  She would then cry and throw a tantrum until someone picked her up.  Today, was going to be different.

Felix sat on the floor and put Alex a little bit away from him.  He then cooed and encouraged her to walk to him.  Locus put Alex into a standing position.  He then put his hands out to her sides, not touching her completely, but being there in case she fell.  She slowly put on foot in front of the other and pressed forward.  “That’s it Alex!” Felix praised, “Keep going.”

Alex smiled as she kept going.  She, unfortunately, took one step and fell forward onto her face.  Alex then began to bawl her heart out.  “My baby!” Felix gasped, picking up Alex

“Is she hurt?” Locus asked

“Just accidently hit herself on the nose.  There’s no blood.” Felix reassured, kissing his daughter’s nose

“Papa...” Alex sniffled, laying her head on Felix’s chest.

Felix smiled and rocked the one year old.  “Poor baby.” He cooed, “You has a boo-boo on your-”

“Good Lord... and to think you two were mercenaries.” Tucker guffawed as he walked past the living room

“Shut the fu-Uh... SHUT UP TUCKER!” Felix yelled, quickly correcting himself

Tucker continued to laugh while Felix threw the closest object he could grab, which was a book.  “Felix just ignore Tuck-” Locus began

“No, Locus!  He’s right!!  We were mercenaries that were known as wanted criminals!  We were men that were feared across the galaxy at the mention of our names!!  We could go wherever we want, whenever we want, and no one could tell us otherwise.  Now we’re stuck here on Earth, changing diapers for a baby!!” Felix yelled, getting up from the floor

Alex began to whine and whimper.  She didn’t like it when papa and daddy yelled at each other.  “Felix, calm down!  You’re scaring the baby-” Locus began

“You know what?!  I’m sick of Alex!  I still love her, and that will never change!  But I’m sick of taking care of her!!”

“Well then why did you agree to take care of her?!” Locus roared

“Because I thought it was better than going to prison!!” Felix screamed

Carolina and Wash peered into the living room, wondering what all the ruckus was.  “Well Felix, welcome to the real world!” Locus growled, “Things are different than life in prison!”

“Oh, you think you’re so high and mighty.  You’ve done things ten times worse than me, and you’re sitting here caring for the human larva we call a daughter!” Felix snapped

“DON’T. YOU. DARE! Call MY daughter such vulgar and tasteless names.” Locus snarled

Alex began to cry and held her hands out.  Daddy and papa were really mad and screaming really loud.  She just wanted them to stop.  Felix ignored his daughter and turned his attention back to Locus.  “Well maybe if you didn’t make this job so unbearable, I’d be fucking happy FOR ONCE!!”

Locus stormed towards his partner, getting up and close to his face. “If you don’t like it here, THEN LEAVE!!” Locus yelled

Felix tried to give an answer, but closed his mouth, too furious to speak to Locus.  He turned on his heels and stormed away.  Alex cried even harder and wailed for Locus to pick her up.  Locus sighed and picked up his one year old daughter.  “Papa?” she sniffled, holding out the orange toy key.

“...Papa is upset.  He’ll talk to you later.” Locus explained as best as he could

“...Papa.” she babbled, smiling brightly

“What the hell was all that?” Carolina asked, walking into the living room, “I’ve never heard an argument like that, and Grif and Simmons argue all the time.”

“Felix is having a hissy fit.  He’ll calm down in a little bit.” Locus explained, “Although, what he was expressing to me is very worrying.  He might go through with I said to him...”

Locus didn’t see Felix four two hours, not even during lunch.  After lunch, Locus tried to put Alex in her playpen.  Alex squirmed in protest and whined to be put down.  Giving in, Alex was set down on the floor, where she scooted over to her plushie dolls.

Tired of waiting for Felix to quit his temper tantrum, Locus left Alex under the watchful eye of Wash and went upstairs to find the smaller mercenary.  Locus found Felix... packing clothes and weapons into a suitcase.  “Where are you going?!” Locus demanded

Felix looked up from his suitcase and rolled his eyes.  “What does it look like fucktard?!  I’m leaving!!  You told me to leave if I wasn’t happy here!!”

“I didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to go through with it!!  What about Alex?!” Locus asked, trying to block the doorway

Felix zipped his bag shut and shoved Locus out of the way.  “Oh, I’ll visit whenever I get the chance.” Felix muttered, “But she can be your problem from now on!”

Felix stormed down the stairs and stomped towards the front door.  “Felix!  You can’t leave just because- “ Locus began

Felix turned and got into Locus’ face.  “I can leave whenever the FUCK I want!  Nobody is stopping me, and nobody can say otherwise!”

Alex looked up from her teddy bear and beamed when she saw Felix.  “Papa.” She babbled, crawling towards Felix, completely unaware of the argument taking place.

“Whatever happened to being partners?!  You’re just going to forget everything we ever went through?!” Locus asked, growing upset more than angry

“Well, I guess that’s a consequence I’m going to take.” Felix shrugged, walking towards the front door.

Alex, thinking that Felix was playing chase, decided that crawling was too slow.  So she slowly put her hands out in front of her and got herself to a standing position.  Locus looked down and saw Alex standing by herself.  Thinking she wanted someone to help her walk, Locus went to Alex.

All Alex did was push Locus away and put her hands out in front of her.  “Papa!” she chirped, walking towards him.

Felix turned around and finally faced his ultimatum.  He still very much wanted to leave, but now his one year old daughter was walking.  Not just by herself, but towards Felix.  “Papa.” She repeated, wrapping her arms around him, “Papa...hoe-mmm.”

“...Papa home?” Felix asked, feeling his composure disintegrate

“Papa...hoe-mmm.” Alex repeated, smiling brightly

Felix wasn’t sure whether to smile or cry.  Did he actually want to leave Locus and Alex?  He would not only abandon his daughter, but his lifelong partner if he left.  Choosing not to show nothing, except one small tear drop fall, Felix put down his bag and picked up Alex.

Locus looked up at his partner and saw the internal struggle Felix was going through.  “You don’t want to leave, do you?” he asked

Felix glanced between Locus and Alex for awhile.  He finally put down his daughter and proceeded to go upstairs with his suitcase.  While it wasn’t said out loud, Locus took it that Felix didn’t want to leave because he truly loved Alex, despite all the hardships and bad days they had.

A few nights later, Felix came downstairs to the kitchen.  As a result of a night terror, Felix couldn’t sleep anymore.  He cast a quick glance in the dining room, only to find Locus sitting at the table by himself.  Locus’ hair was a complete mess and his housecoat was thrown on haphazardly, making him look like a madman.  “Can’t sleep either?” Felix asked

Locus looked up and silently nodded his head.  Felix shrugged his shoulders and took a seat next to Locus.  “Well, we can be sleepless together.”

They sat together in the darkened dining room, just enjoying the peace and quiet.  “...I know something’s up, Locus.  So, what’s eating you?” Felix finally asked

Locus fidgeted uncomfortably, before reaching into his housecoat pocket.  “I got you this.” Locus muttered out, pushing a small black box out to Felix

Rolling his eyes, Felix opened the box and found...  two matching black rings.  “Wait... are these promise rings?!”

“I’m... not promising that I will marry you someday if that’s what you’re thinking.” Locus sighed, “With these, we’re promising each other that we will continue to raise our daughter in the most loving way we can as partners.”

Felix grabbed the smaller of the rings and slipped it on.  Knowing that his partner knew everything about him, the ring fit perfectly on Felix.  “Alright.  To the bitter end, we’re not only partners.  We’re parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that, my dear readers, is the end...maybe...not completely sure yet. I want to add some mishaps and odd adventures afterwards, like side stories after this chapter. I’ll keep you guys in the know. Thanks for sticking through this, if you have any suggestions, let me know. I'm working on a Christmas chapter and maybe a Halloween as well. if there's characters you want shown, by all means...ASK AWAY :D


	16. Christmas Mayhem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first Christmas... how lovely and chaotic

“Baby’s first Christmas!” Donut squealed, “That should be so exciting for you guys.”

Locus and Felix looked up at each other.  “Shit.  We forgot about Christmas, didn’t we?” Felix groaned

“Language, Felix.  And yes, it completely slipped our minds!” Locus agreed, “Our little darling will be celebrating her first Christmas.”

Alex looked up from her playpen “Da-da...uh!” she babbled, making her usual grab gesture.

Locus sighed and walked over to Alex’s playpen.  “If we’re going to do Christmas, we’re going to do it right.”

Felix began to snicker.  “Due to the failure of Alex’s first birthday, we are now obligated to perfect her first Christmas?”

“Yes, from her presents, to the dinner, to the perfect picture.”Donut grinned

“For once, I agree with Pinky Lee over there.” Locus said

“It’s not pink, it’s lightish red!”

And so that’s how the two mercs got trapped into believing the baby’s first Christmas needed to be special.  They had already bought Alex the perfect present, which was something both thought was perfect.  They particularly didn’t care for the meal, as Alex had her own designated meal.  So then was the perfect picture.  Donut suggested that they get a picture of something special.  Which kind of explained why the mercs were at the mall, the other reason was finishing up some Christmas shopping.

“So, this is only way to have the perfect Christmas photo?  Have our daughter sit on Santa’s lap?” Locus groaned, walking into a department store holding Alex in a snuggly, “We really have to stop listening to Donut.”

“I want this.  If we want people to believe she’s a normal child being raised by normal parents, we have to do this.” Felix explained, as they walked to the area where Santa was located

Locus held onto Alex securely up until they reached the display.  A kind girl dressed as an elf gently took Alex and waited until the three kids on Santa’s lap were gone.  She then gently handed Alex over to the Santa Claus.  Felix took out his cell phone and turned it to camera while Locus tried not to freak out.

“Oh, I’m so worried.  What if she freaks out?!  What if she does something like pull on his beard?!” Locus panicked

“Locus, relax.  Everything will be alright, if you don’t work Alex or yourself up.” Felix shushed, wanting some peace and quiet.

Alex took one look at Santa, and proceeded to scream and bawl her eyes out.  So much for peace and quiet  “My baby!” Locus gasped, “It’s okay, daddy’s coming to save you!”

Locus took Alex off of Santa’s lap.  “Why you horrid man!  How dare you make my daughter cry!” Locus snarled, cradling the terrified infant, “I should deck you a good one in that fat gut of yours!”

“Locus, no.  Don’t cause a  scene!” Felix scowled, “It’s not his fault, Alex is scared of strangers.”

“Then why the fuck did you put your daughter on my lap?!” the Santa asked, completely breaking character.

Without missing a beat, Locus swung his fist and decked the fat bastard right in the nose.  The poor man clutched his nose and screamed out in pain.  The security guards calmly escorted Locus and Alex out of the store, leaving Felix with his head in his hands.  Once everything was explained, Felix paid for the things he needed and calmly walked out, casting mean looks at other shoppers if they stopped and stared.

“Was that really necessary?!  You not only broke an innocent man’s nose, but an innocent man dressed up as Santa!!” Felix yelled

“Oh, and you were going to let Alex sit there, crying hysterically?!” Locus shouted back

“I-I was not!  You should’ve let me handle it!” Felix reasoned, “With my charismatic charm, I would have wooed the bad Santa, instead of using your tasteless method.”

“You would have done the same thing, don’t deny it!” Locus huffed

“Papa...Dada.” Alex chirped, grabbing Locus’ hand.

Alex then pulled Locus’s hand over to Felix and tried to grab Felix’s hand.  Felix gave in and let Alex grab his hand.  She then pulled both hands together and began to babble.  “...She wants us to hold hands and not be angry with each other.” Locus said, raising his eyebrows

Felix gave Alex a cheeky look before walking back into the mall, holding hands with Locus.  “I think Alex is smarter than what she lets on.” Felix pointed out, “How else is she able to get us to stop fighting.”

A week of Christmas preparation and it finally paid off.  It was Christmas eve and everyone was ready for Christmas day.  The Reds and Blues and mercs were all in the den, watching _Home Alone_.  “We all know nobody would survive a swinging paint can to the head.” Tucker sighed

“Well, not a normal human.  We’re all ex-soldiers.  We could hold up against a swinging paint can and an iron to the face.” Carolina smirked, “Although half these kids’ ideas are quite useful just in case...”

“Carolina, don’t get any ideas.” Wash teased

 “Not to mention these robbers are absolutely horrible.  I could’ve gotten past all these traps.” Felix scoffed

“Yeah, but you’re you.” Locus pointed out, bouncing Alex

Alex was slowly falling asleep in Locus’ arms.  Locus decided Alex had enough of being awake and went upstairs to put her to bed.  After an interesting rendition of the Night Before Christmas, Alex was asleep.  “Merry Christmas, Sweet Pea.” Locus murmured

Well, the last eight hours were completely silent.  The next morning, everyone had the same idea to get up and sneak downstairs to see presents.  Everyone looked at one another in complete surprise before bursting out laughing.  “Well, we all had the same idea.  So let’s go.” Tucker chuckled

 So after a nice breakfast provided by Donut, everyone gathered around and exchanged gifts around the tree.  Wash got a real life kitten, which he named Cilantro, Grif got a big box full of Oreo cookies.  Simmons got a telescope, Sarge got a brand new shotgun (only for the shooting range), Donut got several cookbooks, Tucker got a gaming set, and Caboose got an iPad.  Which just left the mercenaries.  And since both knew each other so well, getting presents was not a problem.

“Aw, Locus.  How nice of you.  A brand new throwing knife set.” Felix grinned, “And they’re orange.”

Locus coughed and helped Alex open up one of her other presents, which revealed a toy telephone.  She laughed and turned the dial, the toy making a ringing noise.  Locus opened up Felix’s present, revealing a black rifle with emerald green trim.  “I don’t know how you two managed to obtain such weapons, but use them when your kid isn’t around.” Wash sighed

Both looked at Wash and nodded their heads.  “...Alright, ‘Lex.  Want to see your present from us?” Felix asked, opening up the one year old’s present for her.

Alex looked at Locus before getting up from her spot.  Felix grinned as he held up a very soft blanket with a green ‘X’ and an orange stripe down the middle. Alex let out a loud squeal as she grabbed a hold of the blanket and lay down on the floor.  “Aww, she likes it!” Donut cooed

An hour later, Alex was all tuckered out.  She spent most of the morning getting presents and playing with the wrapping paper and bows.  So instead of putting her to bed, the mercs left her on the floor, covering her in her brand new blanket.  Spending the morning with their daughter was also exhausting, so Locus curled up next to Alex and passed out too.

“He, he.  This one’s going straight to the album.  This is our perfect picture.” Felix smirked, taking a picture of the sleeping duo

In fact, not only were Locus and Alex sleeping.  Everyone else was just as exhausted and decided to go to sleep on the floors or the couches.  Sarge had the nerve to sleep on the coffee table.  “Well, there’s no more room for me, so I’ll just go to my bed.” Grif sighed, taking his plate of milk and cookies upstairs


End file.
